I'll level with you, I think I'm experiencing bunting rage.
It's not a new feeling. I had it a bit last year during the glossy royal glossy wedding and the glossy avalanche of glossy full-colour 48-page glossy royal Kate and Wills glossy souvenir supplements. But now it's been ramped up to a whole new level of awfulness with the impending Jubilympic celebrations.
I'm sick of the sight of union jacks (yes, I said union jacks. They don't have to be on a boat to be jacks. Take your pendantry away to someone who cares. Which is no-one, by the way. Do you think anyone cares? Has anyone, ever, not understood what someone else meant by the phrase 'union jack'? No. Do you think it makes you slightly superior? It doesn't. It makes people think you're irritating and smug. If you care about boats so much, go and live on one. Better still, fall off the side of one. "Throw me the lifebelt!" you'll scream, and I'll say, "ah no, it's not technically called 'a lifebelt' I'm afraid" and walk silently away as your terrified yells turn into a mass of bubbles) and there doesn't seem anything I can do about it.
Thing is, I like bunting. I like flags. I even like the royal family, up to a point (the point in question being the heir to the throne). I like England flags when football tournaments are on. I don't even harbour any particularly anti-union sentiment that would make me dislike the union jack (yes, jack. Live with it, mate) as a symbol.
I think it's just something about the overarching YOU MUST HAVE FUN about it that makes me want to burn all the omnibunting and put up pictures of willies instead. We mustn't have fun. It's a sodding recession. No-one's got any money, we're all broke and we've not got anything to cheer. Yes, let's all throw a bloody big party for a rich old granny. Well, good for her, and I'm sure she's nice enough, but will it all be over? Will it all be over, soon?
Ah, no. Next comes the shared delusion of England doing relatively well in a football tournament, and then Great London (or Britain, as it's occasionally still known) will be hosting the London Games for being in London, in which the only city in the entire country will be doing brilliant things for several weeks and EVERYONE MUST HAVE FUN AGAIN.
Spare me. Spare me the madness.