I blame…
Single mothers, obviously. With a slight whiff of 'of course, that lot don't have dads around, do they?' Grand Theft Auto. Kids don't understand the difference between video games and real life nowadays! Twitter. For allowing people to communicate with each other. And because people on Twitter were nasty about this lovely newspaper when we had our slight little tiny problems a couple of weeks ago (which thankfully everyone's forgotten about now!) The Left. Everyone on the Left, especially people who might have protested about things in the past. Not just the Left, but particularly the Left. Which brings me to UKUncut. Because they use Twitter, and rioters used Twitter, therefore they're exactly the same. Am I embarrassing myself? No no, I really haven't even started. The PC Brigade of course. For letting people have PC views about things, that means we can't even beat our kids to a meaty pulp nowadays - you just have to sit back and let them riot rather than do anything about it; there really is literally nothing you can do nowadays. We're helpless because of the namby-pamby nanny state mollycoddling these feral youths, which is why people smash up shops and set fire to things, because we weren't violent enough to them in the first place. Not having enough water cannon. Yes, water cannon. Mmm, water cannon. A great big hose to spray those nasty young boys with. That'll work. That'll make everything all right. Sure, these disturbances are over wide areas and it might appear at first that it wouldn't make any difference, but it sounds like something worth doing, doesn't it? And we might see some of these peasants getting sprayed headfirst through a shop window live on Sky News, so that'd be great to watch, while slowly masturbating, wouldn't it? Actually, shoot them. Shoot them all. Shoot them on sight. Shoot anyone. Shoot everyone. Bring in the army and shoot everyone. Shoot everyone. Shoot them now, and then it'll be all right. That will make everything better. It's not as if this all began with someone being shot, is it? Can't see any problems whatsoever if we just start shooting people on sight, and asking questions later. That'll be fine.
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Hello. I'm a Bristol-based writer and soon-to-be-redundant journalist. You can read more about me and the Enemies site here, or follow me on Twitter. Email me if you like - antonvowl at live dot co dot uk
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August 9th, 2011 - 09:14
Sadly if the police shoot these multiculti rioters then The Guardian and George Monbiot will say they’re in the wrong. Poor police haven’t got a leg to stand on, can’t even murder plumbers and newspaper sellers without the Metropolitan Elite and that Jeremy Hardy calling them murderers, can’t even whack children with batons at lefty demos where lefties don’t know they’re lucky to have the right to free speech, which I resent them exercising *ever*, not like in foreign countries where they don’t have our democratic traditions of beating the shit out of troublemakers. I blame the Huguenots flooding our country, you can’t call a spade a spade these days, you’re literally not allowed to make harmless jokes about darkies and yids, PC gone mad, hell in handcart, you couldn’t make it up, elf ‘n’ safety, leave Mr. Murdoch alone, etc etc etc…
August 9th, 2011 - 09:32
Excellent, thanks.
August 9th, 2011 - 09:38
Lets be honest though, everyone wants to see a scumbag skidding along the high street as a result of a water cannon to the face. Anyone who denies they would enjoy seeing that is only lieing to themselves!
August 9th, 2011 - 10:02
But what about the immigrants?
August 9th, 2011 - 11:14
Or the BBC?
August 9th, 2011 - 15:14
I bet they were burning wheelie bins, too.
August 9th, 2011 - 19:36
Or our masters in Brussels?
August 9th, 2011 - 10:09
So you want the police to BUY water cannons and guns to shoot people with? typical lefty response – spend spend spend! what we need to do is CUT their benefits, and if they aren’t on benefits just cut everyone elses benefits instead! That’ll teach em.
On a more serious note, the main motivation for the London riots appears to be materialism, greed and a lack of empathy for the welfare of others. These seem to be common throughout British society.
August 9th, 2011 - 11:21
I’m an atheist and I’m very disappointed in you. Where’s my blame?
August 9th, 2011 - 21:00
… and the bloody atheists. If you don’t believe in God then how can you believe in anything? Eh? Eh?
August 10th, 2011 - 09:23
Thanks. I feel better now.
August 9th, 2011 - 11:48
We won’t be safe ’til everybody’s dead!
August 9th, 2011 - 19:35
Or at least ’til no one under the age of 25 is allowed out after 4.30p.m!
August 9th, 2011 - 15:54
One of the commentators on CIF blamed the riots on Gay Marriage.
You missed that one!
August 9th, 2011 - 18:03
I blame the moosliims!-those pesky islamic jihadists trying to inflict their sharia law onto us…..oh, and the commies of course….
August 9th, 2011 - 18:20
Sublime, as usual.
August 9th, 2011 - 20:48
Funny. But do you really believe these riots are helpful or are gonna change anything?
August 10th, 2011 - 17:33
Nope- but neither is marking a cross on a piece of paper once every 5 years.
August 9th, 2011 - 23:17
You missed MTV (as put forward by Saint Katherine Burbalsingh). And did you mention Muslims?
August 10th, 2011 - 12:25
First they came for the Communists, but I was not a Communist, so I did not speak out. Then they came for the Socialists and the trade unionists, but I was neither, so I did not speak out. Then they came for the Jews, but I was not a Jew, so I did not speak out. And when they came for me, there was no one left to speak out for me.
– Martin Niemoeller (1892-1984)
We all need to speak out against those that are blinkered. Nothing is ever black & white. Great blog btw!
August 10th, 2011 - 13:53
I think you missed rap music too. But there’s going to be less of that around since the Sony warehouse in Enfield got torched along with the output of a shedload of independent record labels.
August 10th, 2011 - 22:05
It’s all because we pay too much tax. It’s also down to the lefty lunatics tying the hands of the police, no literally, I’ve seen it myself, lefty lunatics were out in force tying policemen’s hands behind their backs to give rioters an equal chance. Could also be because the rioters aren’t actually English.
*These are based on actual comments from people interviewed over the past few days.
August 12th, 2011 - 10:06
Oh what about rap music? Paul Routledge in Wednesday’s Daily Mirror said rap music was to blame for creating a “culture of hatred” and said he would ban it. Rapper Professor Green hit back calling Routledge a moron! Well said!
August 13th, 2011 - 16:34
hang on. I am big old gay boy. Why isn’t it my fault?
September 22nd, 2011 - 17:38
Oh it is, it is.
August 14th, 2011 - 23:21
Looking back on this remarkable week, now things seem to have calmed down a bit, what really strikes me is how we’ve managed to see modern British society both at it’s very worst and it’s very best. I’ve first been horrified by seeing how unpleasant and antisocial some citizens of this country can be, then humbled almost to tears by the acts of kindness and unity that followed. Sorry if that sounds clichéd, but it’s how it is.
One of the more depressing things I’ve witnessed though has undoubtedly been the shamelessly shrill, racist tone adopted by certain commentators online and in the media. They really have come out of the woodwork, haven’t they?
Then again, maybe it’s a blessing in disguise that the Daily Mail-reading right have decided to drop any pretence of civility and allow us to see their true colours. It does at least remind the rest of us what we’re up against.
August 23rd, 2011 - 10:16
Still, at least we won the cricket…
September 22nd, 2011 - 17:39
As Pamela Stephenson said in Not the Nine O’Clock News: ‘Chop off their goolies. Off with them. Just, cut them right off’.
September 26th, 2011 - 23:46
Seems a majority just want to see anyone poor or foreign just shot and dumped in the see, in the hope it builds a barrier of bloated corpses, blocking France from view entirely.
These people don’t seem to understand that suddenly their local Waitrose isn’t staffed any more, and then where will we be.
As someone on benefits due to mental issues, I did have an idea, as there is a constant pressure to get us filthy leeches off of benefits and starving in a cardboard box like we deserve.
A few hundred of us show up at Downing Street when they’ve stripped us of our last bit of dignity, and, if we could get Cameron to come to the gates to grant us plebs an audience, we, as one, in silence, open our throats and slump to the ground…
The only downside is I can actually see Cameron twitching in multiple orgasm at getting hosed down in the blood of the poor for real instead of just figuratively.
The Mail would no doubt report us as ‘Benefit cheats cause mass littering in London’s streets’, but I think it’d be a lot harder to ignore that there was a geniune problem and that we’re not all just leeching millions for giggles.
I don’t drink, don’t smoke, hardly go out, shop for groceries frugally, the internet is my main luxury in life.
Why, yes, I’m bitter. Yes I worked for 15 straight years after school before I ended up how I am, too.