Obviously, a lot of people think a certain way on a particular subject. But WAIT! I have decided to think the OPPOSITE! Aha! That surprised you, didn't it? Yes, there you were, thinking a certain thing, but I've managed to put together a convincing argument for the exact opposite of what all reasonable people would arrive at for a conclusion! Made you think, didn't it? Didn't it? Yes.
Of course only someone clever, like me, can come up with something like this. You sit there, having your opinions based on what you think, not bothering to deliberately concoct the exact opposite argument - not because you even fucking believe it in the first place, but just because you know that this is the only way you've got a chance of being a contrarian voice of controversial controversy in a world of sheeple all deciding to think about things they way they want to think about them - I mean, you couldn't go out there and do that, could you?
So, aha! Yes, I've made you think, haven't I? I've made you think about that. I've certainly got a debate going. Largely comprising people saying "What the hell are you on about, you blowhard?" but that's not the point. That's not the point. I've certainly got people talking about what I've written! And that's far more important, and worthwhile, than putting together a reasonable argument that you actually believe in. Who wants to do that? Boring people, that's who. There's no reason to sit around, being reasonable, thinking about things and actually writing things that you believe, when you can just launch a few rockets and make lots of people angry! Kaboom! Boom! Hooray!
So... in order to be surprising, in a spoof about people being surprising, I'd have to say "Aha! Well some people, like Steven Baxter, the so-called blogger about so-called things, writing his so-called words in his so-called spare bedroom in his so-called house, might like to think that bombastic contrarian types are just being contrarian because they're being contrarian... but of course! Aha! That's what a lot of people would think, if they hadn't thought about it in a clever way like me! Because actually they're the most important thing ever, and much more important than people writing about things they really feel and believe in! Much better! Yes, I have once again proved my skills and got people talking. Well, it got people talking, didn't it? It's just a way of getting people talking though, isn't it? Yes."
Aha! But if that's what you were expecting me to write, then...