Not alone…
This is just a small contribution to the #whatstigma Twitter idea started by @RebeccaFront. It's well worth looking at the hashtag, if you're on Twitter (or even if you're not) and adding your own experience; it's quite a nice way of stating that you're not scared of the stigma of 'mental illness' and you're not worried about the consequences of admitting what's happened in your life. There's quite a feeling of shared experiences to be had from looking at the responses and seeing what other people have been through, and realising that you're not alone, that these things happen to a large proportion of people - not the majority, maybe, but a lot of us - and there's nothing to be scared about from 'coming out' and admitting that you've had problems with your mental health in the past.
As for me, I've written about all of these things in the past, most recently when I did a blogpost talking about how people had landed on the blog in the past when searching for terms like 'painless suicide methods'. But why not admit it again. I have been periodically suffering (and not always suffering) from problems since the age of about 15, including self-harming, depression, feeling generally miserable and suicidal. All of that stuff, and not being able to cope sometimes with what was happening, but clinging on nonetheless. I'm feeling in a much better place now, by the way, but I'm always mindful that it's easy to slip back into what was, and what has been, yet I hope that I won't, and I'm confident that things will be OK.
What stigma? I don't think there should be a stigma. We are many. This happens too often, to too many people, to be dismissed as people who should simply pull themselves together or pull their socks up and get on with life. It's not something to be ashamed of, and it shouldn't be seen as a source of shame. It's not ideal, and no-one would wish it on themselves, but there it is: it happens, and you can't always deal with it as well as you might hope. There are ways out, ways to escape, ways to cope, and ways to be at peace. It doesn't have to last forever, and, as I always say, it does get better.
So I'm not ashamed, any more, of any of this. Not proud, by any means, but not ashamed. This is just who I am, and that's all there is to it. I'm not alone. And that is a source of comfort. If you sometimes feel you're alone, you're not. Remember that.
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Hello. I'm a Bristol-based writer and soon-to-be-redundant journalist. You can read more about me and the Enemies site here, or follow me on Twitter. Email me if you like - antonvowl at live dot co dot uk
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February 2nd, 2011 - 12:42
Facebooked and tweeted. Good man, you are.
February 2nd, 2011 - 13:46
I have joined in and tweeted but really fighting urge to delete it as despite knowing rationally that there shouldn’t be a stigma, sadly I’d say about 97% of people I actually know, on seeing my terrible confession, will judge me as crazy and to be avoided. Ho hum.
February 2nd, 2011 - 14:14
Good on you, sir. Thanks for posting this.
February 2nd, 2011 - 14:57
Great post. Feel free to delete this if you think I’m being cheeky or spamming, but England’s Time to Change campaign (run by Rethink and Mind) is all about ending mental health stigma – any support such as liking our Facebook page (www.facebook.com/timetochange) or following/RTing tweets (www.twitter.com/timetochange) will be much appreciated.
Thanks,
Chris
February 2nd, 2011 - 16:43
Your posts on this are always beautiful.
I can never figure out if people who say things like ‘you should pull yourself together’ really don’t know how condescending and wrong that is, or whether they have problems of their own they are too scared to admit to. Maybe it is both. I don’t like to believe they just don’t care.
February 2nd, 2011 - 17:20
well said. and agreed.
i particularly like this sentence
‘Not proud, by any means, but not ashamed.’
which is how i feel about depression and self destructive depressive behaviours in my past.
February 2nd, 2011 - 18:16
I had a breakdown 7 years ago. Completely out of the blue I was suspended and sacked for gross misconduct. For a time I could not cope. I could not even function without pills. I lie on my CV. I am not embarrassed to admit on this board but I would not dream of admitting it on a job application.
My wife is currently on treatment for depression and is being bullied and harried at work. She TUPEd from one employer to another and was under treatment whilst with the previous employer; so it all had to be declared. They attempted to discipline her for incompetence borne of mental illness. Luckily she is in the union and the union rep made the employer look foolish in the extreme and the employer has backtracked. Not apologised, not withdrawn the complaint but backed off and downgraded the alleged incompetence.
It should not carry a stigma but it does.
February 4th, 2011 - 06:52
ooh, a toughie, nearly had this linked on my f/b but couldn’t do it… not ashamed but have a fear of being thought of as an ‘attention seeker’… Damn me! Will try again later
February 9th, 2011 - 20:01
Post it. So much misery could be avoided with just a little bit of attention.