I am, and I’m not
"Hello, notice of possible redundancy," I said, the brown envelope sitting softly in my sweaty hands. "We meet again, after all these years." And there it was.
Someone once described it to me as like walking through a cornfield and having a pool table land on your head, and I suppose it did feel a little that way; except my pool table has been hovering for a while - when you see so many others in the same industry, and others, going through the same thing, it's not a terrible shock - but it winds you, all the same.
Last time, I avoided the redundancy, but ended up a gloomy, self-absorbed opaque puddle of sadsackery and introspection - wondering why I was going to end up on the scrapheap in my 30s; why I'd chosen to funnel myself into a moribund career choice when the signs were obvious that the comet was going to hit; why things had all gone so wrong so quickly. I kept the job, but I didn't really keep my composure. In a funny way, this time around offers an opportunity, of sorts - to be able to deal with it better, and more maturely; probably, what I'd like is to get a small payout (it'll only keep me in pies and gravy for a month or two) and not to be so stressed out by it all.
You get a sense of time, sometimes, when things are ending. I recall a moment of clarity I experienced while having a Little Chef Olympic breakfast at motorway services while on the way to the last ever football match I covered for a newspaper I used to work for; there was a palpable sense that one thing was finishing, and another was beginning. Now, today, I get the same feeling, looking around the drab, charmless office where I work - a sense that I won't be here much longer, probably - and, perhaps, that something else might be starting.
People start to look at you a bit differently. Like you're a half-blind old sheepdog panting away in a vet's waiting room, waiting for the needle, or something. They don't want to make eye contact; suddenly they don't need to know you so much, or maybe they're embarrassed and feel a bit sorry for you - in fact, it's probably the latter. The same sense of awkwardness, just about something else.
Something ending, and something beginning. Last night I went for a walk, and the stars seemed very bright, and full of hope. There are better things coming, I thought to myself. Better times ahead.
In the meantime: gissa job.
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About Me
Hello. I'm a Bristol-based writer and soon-to-be-redundant journalist. You can read more about me and the Enemies site here, or follow me on Twitter. Email me if you like - antonvowl at live dot co dot uk
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January 19th, 2011 - 14:00
There are better things coming
I don’t doubt it, kidder. Upwards!
January 19th, 2011 - 14:15
I’ve been made redundant twice – it sucks in the same way that finding out that Jordan has named you in her divorce papers. It makes you feel cheap, nasty, question your self worth and sanity. Also, you’re right, people do look at you funny.
I don’t know if you’re looking for advice, but here’s mine.
1) Join a union, if you’re not already a member. Some unions don’t like fair-weather friends and may ask you to pay back-subs. My union were fantastic when I was let go. They offered a sympathetic ear, legal help, and a good range of practical advice.
2) Watch “Up In The Air” (yes, the George Clooney film http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1193138/ ). As it happens, I watched it a few days before I was canned. It actually helped me deal with the “grieving” process. More than that – it made me realise that I could use redundancy as a spring board for better things.
3) On a practical point of view, now is a really good time to dive in to your LinkedIn profile (go fishing for outrageous compliments) get your CV up to scratch (especially if your employer will pay for it), and steal office supplies. A word of caution – people always notice missing Post-It Notes – they rarely question a missing photocopier.
Stiff upper lip, old chap. Using botox if necessary.
January 20th, 2011 - 17:16
Not quite on the photocopier. One went missing where I worked a few years ago. “Where the hell’s the photocopier gone?” I asked. “It’s not there,” said a co-worker, “someone must have taken it away.”
Rather than do some proper work, I asked the department secretary where it was, and she checked it wasn’t being serviced and hadn’t been officially taken by someone and within 48 hours we’d found no paper trail and determined that some bugger had nicked it.
Never figured out who it was though.
January 19th, 2011 - 14:15
I’m glad you’re feeling positive about it -good luck with your new beginning and new opportunities.
January 19th, 2011 - 14:46
“I recall a moment of clarity… …there was a palpable sense that one thing was finishing, and another was beginning.”
You’re more of a philosopher than I am. The only moments of clarity I ever have at motorway service stations involve the thought “christ I shouldn’t have eaten that”.
January 19th, 2011 - 15:05
Your positivity is inspiring.
January 19th, 2011 - 16:22
Redundancy was the push for me to go freelance. At least now when I fail, I fail on my own terms and not because of someone else’s poor management.
January 19th, 2011 - 17:07
Good luck with your future career choices Anton. You don’t need luck though, you’ve got ability in abundance. And if this ‘meritocracy’ lark has any truth in it then… Oh, fuckers. Enjoy the pies and gravy
)
January 19th, 2011 - 19:13
Just got my redundancy notice this week – first time for me. Had job 20 odd years. Pushing fifty. Man in chaos. But nobody died, and you’re right – we move on, we skill up, we do what needs doing. If this blog is any guide, you’re a good bloke with a good brain and you’ll find your way.
January 19th, 2011 - 19:38
I had my first experience of it a year and a half ago, two years into my “proper” working career. After a month and a half of being made to pretty much sit up and beg, I got shifted into a newly created position- it rapidly became clear that the whole “pool selection” and “job application” processes had been rigged; that they’d never intended to get rid of me, and that I was merely a pawn in a bigger game (others did lose their jobs- mainly people it was “convenient” to get rid of whilst they had the chance). Sadly, industrial chemistry tends to lack unionisation- and I’m not convinced by the arguments in favour of joining a union that your employer doesn’t recognise and has no presence on site; I’m also not brave enough to be the one that agitates for recognition.
January 19th, 2011 - 20:44
Been there myself once (twice if you count not having a probation period extended). Both sucked donkey balls at the time, but in the long term led me to where I am now, which is a bleeding marvellous place. Keep on keeping on
January 19th, 2011 - 21:17
I’ve been made redundant twice. Both times told about it the day before a two week holiday. I don’t look forward to holidays very much anymore.
I tried to see the second one as an opportunity but I loved the shitty, dirty low paid job so much I’m still bitter about it 5 years later.
Best of luck to you, Anton. Bigger and better. Just around the corner.
January 19th, 2011 - 23:47
You’re a good guy, whatever you think. Hope you’ll be okay, and you’ve got a decent-sized platoon of willing readers whatever happens.
January 20th, 2011 - 01:33
great piece of writing, and I have no doubt it will be onwards and upwards!
January 20th, 2011 - 09:05
Good luck, and if you’re blogging is any indicator, I’m sure you’ll be fine.
January 20th, 2011 - 17:19
Good Luck. Contract came to an end and not renewed back in July and been under-employed since. But I put the word out and a few days working here, and a bit of volunteering there, and I feel wanted and fine about it.
January 21st, 2011 - 01:49
Good Luck, Anton!