THIS IS AN ADVERTISEMENT. CONTENT OF THIS BLOGPOST WILL START IN TWO MINUTES. AFTER YOU'VE SAT THROUGH SOME SHIT ABOUT A FUCKING LAND ROVER OR SOMETHING. OH DON'T YOU TRY AND CLICK THE X. OH NO, MATEY. YOU TRY AND DO THAT AND WE'LL JUST STAMP OUR FEET AND MAKE YOU HAVE TO START AGAIN. FROM THE BEGINNING. YOU JUST SIT THERE AND WAIT. SIT THROUGH ALL OF THIS FUCKING ADVERT. FEEL IT BURN INTO YOUR EYES. TWO WHOLE MINUTES OF YOUR LIFE TICKING BY. TICK, TICK, TICK. THINK OF ALL THE THINGS YOU COULD BE DOING INSTEAD OF WAITING FOR THIS ADVERT TO FINISH. MAKING A BOILED EGG. HAVING A CUP OF TEA. STARING OUT OF THE WINDOW. ANYTHING, REALLY, EXCEPT FOR THIS. BUY A LAND ROVER. USE THESE INSURERS. DO THIS SHIT. IT'S LIKE HAVING A TELEVISION BUT WORSE, SO MUCH WORSE. YOU CHOSE TO CLICK ON THIS. THE THING YOU WANT TO SEE WILL HAPPEN IN TWO MINUTES' TIME AND THERE'S NO WAY AROUND IT.
Yes yes, I'd like to see that video, you know the one. Yes, that video. It looked good, like it might be fun or something, and, oh, that's it is it. Jesus. Two minutes of advert for ten fucking seconds of a cat falling over? Fuck me. Is this what my life has come to?
OH SO YOU'VE CLICKED ON THAT LINK TO SEE A STORY, HAVE YOU? WELL HOW ABOUT SEEING SOME FUCKING POINTLESS ADVERT IN THE MIDDLE OF YOUR SCREEN FOR FIVE MINUTES WITH A TINY X IN THE TOP RIGHT-HAND CORNER WITH A BIT OF TEXT SAYING 'CLICK HERE FOR ARTICLE'? HOW WOULD YOU LIKE THAT? YEAH, YOU LIKE THAT, DON'T YOU. YOU LIKE THAT. GO ON, TRY AND CLICK THERE. GO ON. SAUSAGE FINGERS. KEEP TRYING. THERE YOU GO. OH, BROKEN LINK. HA! BUT WE'VE MADE A WHOLE FUCKING TEN PENCE OUT OF YOU. FUCK YOU, YOU PIECE OF SHIT! WE WIN! YOU LOSE! YEAH, YOU LOVE IT LIKE THAT. AND YOU'LL BE BACK TOMORROW.
Oh, the article wasn't quite what I'd been hoping for.