Fear. Fear! Fear about chubbiness. Fear about Christmas! Fear. Put on half a stone and he'll leave you! Stop eating that turkey! Stop the fun! Fear. Live in fear. Fear yourself. Fear everything. Fear Christmas fat!
Why putting on just half a stone will cause your husband's eyes to start wandering
My husband? Does the Daily Mail know something I don't?
There are only two days to go before the biggest feast of the year.
But for those who cannot help but ask for seconds of the Christmas turkey this might be enough to put you off.
According to a survey published yesterday partners who gain just 8lbs over the festive period could be single before the dawn of the New Year.
It seems adding just half a stone is enough for their partners to simply look elsewhere.
Ah, the 'Christmas survey pimping some weight loss guff' story. Fear! Be fearful! Use our weight-loss stuff or your husband will run off with someone else! Mind you:
Almost 42 per cent of men interviewed said they would be less attracted to their girlfriend if they gained half a stone in weight.
And five per cent even said they would consider ending the relationship altogether.
isn't quite the same as 'put on a few pounds and hubby's off dogging', and:
Overall, more than three quarters of respondents said weight gain was a turn off, with just 21 per cent admitting they would find their partner more attractive.
Spin that roulette wheel! Have a few more pigs-in-blankets and maybe it'll do wonders!
Or: don't bother with tedious surveys flogging diet stuff ahead of Christmas, and fear-tapping articles telling you that you should hate yourself, that you're basically a loser, that everything will go wrong, and that other people are shallow. Maybe they aren't.
Tell you what would be a turn-off in a potential partner of any size or shape, though: seeing them reading the Daily Mail and nodding in agreement.