It's Children in Need day. Hooray! Newsreaders twatting around on the dancefloor. Wogan keeping that rug on his head while meandering around the same old script about "Steady, me hearties!" while Tess Daly gurns on in delight. Some EastEnders thing that makes you want to pop your eyeballs out with sugar tongs. That sort of thing. But this year I've decided, on the basis of Littlejohn's 'hilarious' article today, that we should pledge our money to Pudsey if, at long last, he will come out and admit - on national television - that he's a racist cunt.
I floated this idea on Twitter, and have had some marvellous suggestions so far:
Some lovely ideas there, which will really benefit the children. Think of those poor children in need, Richard. Come on! Do it for the kids, eh. You get thousands of quid every week to drone on about elfnsafetygawnmad and piss out some borderline racism about burkas and the PC Brigade. All I'll say is, if enough people pledge enough money for you to go live on TV and say that you're a racist cunt, surely you can, well what's the phrase, make it up?
Go on, Richard. You know you want to. Pudsey is waiting!