Hastily cobbled together royal wedding bollocks
Oh, Diana. If only she were still with us. Lovely and radiant. So young. She died so young, before we'd managed to wring a million articles about her. Even when she died, the press still hounded her, all the papers had to say was that Diana was found in the nude... oh, that was Marilyn, but you get the idea. Fractured society, broken Britain, child of divorcees, William must have found it hard to commit to marriage, having seen that of his own parents disintegrate so publicly... a very modern marriage. Kate is a bit like Diana, in some ways; here are some ways in which she's like Diana; here are some in which she's different. "Whatever 'in love' is" and all of that. Kate once had a drink in a nightclub.
Austerity wedding... something to cheer the nation up when we're all going to be made redundant and sit around watching Jeremy Kyle all day... the chance to wave a plastic union jack and say hurrah at all this unimaginable wealth will make us forget the bonfire of our jobs and make Austerity Britain be delightfully jolly, despite it all. This is truly the wedding of a new century. Hurrah. Street parties and all that. Warm Tizer and sausage rolls. But of course, the sadness, the sadness that tinges this joyous occasion, the sadness that tinges everything, including my own life, is that Diana can't be there.
Ooh, is the Queen dying? Are they getting married before she dies?
Kate has a radiance, a charm, a loveliness, an unfettered middleclassiness, that sets an example to us all. Good on her for getting married to someone rich; that's what every girl dreams of.
(Will this do?)
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Hello. I'm a Bristol-based writer and soon-to-be-redundant journalist. You can read more about me and the Enemies site here, or follow me on Twitter. Email me if you like - antonvowl at live dot co dot uk
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November 16th, 2010 - 12:59
Dear sir
Thankyou for your application, we are pleased to inform you that you have successfully got the job of writing every article in the Daily Express ever.
Yours,
Dirty Desmond.
November 16th, 2010 - 13:00
And thats the next 6 months of the Daily Express out the way….!
November 16th, 2010 - 13:00
I assume the Mail will be suitably outraged at the thought of unemployed Kate and her “third generation immigrant child of a broken home” husband living a in a big house in central london at the taxpayer’s expense.
November 16th, 2010 - 13:00
LMAO. It will do indeed.
November 16th, 2010 - 13:26
Gorrrdddd bless ‘em. Now who will join me around the piano for a good bash of Knees Up Mother Brown?
November 16th, 2010 - 13:46
I wonder how those who insist that the BBC is a hotbed of leftie revolutionaries can square that opinion against the hours of hagiography that will be aired today, tomorrow, this weekend and on and on until the wedding is over. I also predict that within a week there be an ‘outraged viewers’ headline in the red tops over some presenter or other being insufficiently deferential.
November 16th, 2010 - 14:20
They will square it using immunity to cognitive dissonance.
November 16th, 2010 - 14:20
Has a date been set yet? – I need to know when to book my holiday.
November 16th, 2010 - 14:37
I thought it was an excellent excuse to take a year out and go trekking in a remote mountain range ON THE MOON.
November 16th, 2010 - 15:23
My sentiments exactly.
http://thepotterblogger.blogspot.com/2010/11/its-royal-wedding.html
November 16th, 2010 - 15:56
Prince William and Kate Middleton will have a massive wedding with all the trimmings paid for by us. This will happen whilst thousands no millions of working class people will be struggling to get by as they scrape to make ends meet on the dole.
The right-wing tabloids will hail the wedding as a momentous occasion and a “boost” for this country!
Now imagen if this was a Premier League footballer who was getting married. Imagen that just Prince William he has a big lavish wedding with horse a carriage and a gigantic reception! How will that be greeted? The right-wing tabloids would denounce it as “obscene” and “vulgar” and slaughter the footballer for spending thousands of pounds on a big wedding when ordinary people are struggling to pay their bills and worrying about their jobs.
Of course when footballers have big wedding paid for by THEIR OWN money it’s “obscene” “vulgar” and an “insult” to the poor. But when a member of the Royal Family has a big wedding which is paid for by US the TAXPAYER (yes the same HARD WORKING TAXPAYER that the Daily Mail and their Tory mates are so concerned about…of course the taxpayer having to fork out for the Royals to have big dos is perfectly ok but not when they have to pay for things for immigrants, gays, blacks etc etc blah blah blah!!!) it’s ok because their class makes them deserving of it unlike footballers who are “oiks”.
November 16th, 2010 - 18:45
Yes, just imagen.
November 17th, 2010 - 01:27
That’s what I meant to write. Fuck off. Please. Have a seat on the House of Lords – I couldn’t give a fuck; this democratic system is finished for me. For the above reason of obvious, menacing and ridiculous clarity. We’re fucked. They’re fulfilling every dream of their Eton-day party philosophical political cocaine-filled future moments. Premiership footballer or not, it’s a distraction. That’s all. Torture anyone?
November 17th, 2010 - 00:03
I just stumbled across a BBC programme on the royal engagement dissecting the relationship basing it on a total hearsay and speculations from court lackeys, former flatmates and the human whoopie cushion aka Piers Morgan as if it were a fucking gospel, and sycophantically fawning over the fact that apparently W&K cook meals in a microwave together like NORMAL people. Oh for fuck’s sake!
November 17th, 2010 - 05:53
Relevant:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uuk-h2ZYNJU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8xCgC3w1zs&feature=channel
November 17th, 2010 - 11:06
Thank fuck for the Independent who seem to be alone in not joining the epic royal gitstorm and publishing a photo of the pair of them on the front page.
November 17th, 2010 - 13:04
Headline on BBC News this morning… “World’s delight at royal engagement”
Not the queen, not the royal family, not Nicholas Witchell, not the Express, not England or Britain… the world!
November 17th, 2010 - 14:48
No doubt the Daily Mail will put their roving reporters out on the lookout for any naysayers who are not excited about the forthcoming big day and have one of their hacks, Littlejohn or Mickinstry probably, denounce them as “PC Guardian reading sandel wearing hippy repulican Muslim extremist loving killjoys!”
The BBC will run a piece on their little watched News 24 channel where some report finds a few people who don’t think it’s that great that “Wills” is getting hithced and the Mail and Express will wheel out a Tory MP and someone from Mediawatch-uk to say how this shows that the BBC is run by a bunch of liberal lefty Monarchy baiting Britian lothing marxists!!!
November 17th, 2010 - 17:14
Urgent memo to self: Do not forget to renew Xbox Live subscription for the coming year. You will fucking need it.
April 23rd, 2011 - 15:26
It is really nice to know that us poor buggers, yes us the public are picking up the tab for Kate and Willies wedding day. Dont you just adore them.
April 23rd, 2011 - 15:27
I wonder if the queen is going to sing karaoke with philip?