Here's Wayne Rooney, and Coleen Rooney, sitting at a table, eating their dinner. Here's Wayne Rooney, and Coleen Rooney, sitting on sun loungers, eating a pizza and what might well be a salad, we're not sure. Here's Coleen Rooney, in a bikini, by a swimming pool. Look at her tits. Do they look bigger tits than the tits she had in this bikini, a few months ago? Has she had her tits made bigger? What do you think? It would only cost a few thousand pounds for that to happen - but even though she earns thousands of pounds a year, we'll imply that it would be him that paid for it, because men pay for things and women don't. Obviously. He earns £160k a week, don't you know.
Here's Coleen Rooney, looking at a cocktail menu. There's Wayne, next to her, in a swimming pool. Here's Coleen Rooney, standing on her left leg. Now she's transferring the weight onto her right leg. She's wearing sunglasses and carrying a phone. She's in a bikini, but you knew that already. This is all allowed, because this was a publicity stunt. They wanted us to be there, looking at them by the swimming pool, looking at her tits, speculating about her tits. They wanted us to do this, so we can do it. That's fair, you can't touch us.
Here's a blurred picture of Wayne and Coleen Rooney hugging in a swimming pool. Here's another blurred picture of them in a swimming pool. They wanted us here. They wanted us to see this. This was their publicity stunt. Now they're sitting at a table, eating dinner, we're taking this picture from a window overlooking the restaurant. They wanted us to be here. We'll pretend there's an awkward silence, because there probably was, at one point. Here's Coleen, in another bikini. Tits, tits, tits.
Now they're sitting at sunloungers. Now they're talking to each other. Now they're not talking to each other. Now they've got a bottle of water. Now they're drinking the bottle of water. Now someone else is talking to Coleen Rooney while Wayne Rooney has a towel on. Now they're eating again. Now they're sitting down. Now they're walking around. One last bikini shot? Why not. Tits.