Towards a sensible biscuit hierarchy
I've written about biscuits before, specifically Tunnock's wafers. But it was this exchange earlier that reminded me that, in all of our minds, there is a hierarchy of biscuits:
She's right, of course. Jaffa Cakes beat Hob-Nobs, there's no sensible debate to be had there*. Jaffa Cakes win. But it got me thinking. Exactly where do Jaffa Cakes, and Hob-Nobs for that matter, fit in the biscuit hierarchy? If you were playing biscuit poker, a pair of Viscounts would clearly defeat a Rich Tea. But what about a Trio, or a Taxi? And how to separate out all those different varieties of Club?
That's where you come in. I'm going to try and establish a rough framework here in this post, but I'm bound to make mistakes. There are some rules - generally biscuits are higher up the food chain if they have a wrapper, particularly a shiny one; and of course, the addition of chocolate improves anything. Now, you may well disagree, but I'm just trying to get things rolling. Feel free to add your own suggestions.
1. Viscounts. Orange or mint. I'm not fussy. All right. I am - make it orange. And bring the fuckers here, right now. I know this may be controversial, but I'm going for Viscounts. I used to call them Viss-counts when I was a kid. What the fuck did I know?
2. Tunnock's Wafers. Of course. How can you go wrong? Lovely pink-and-gold wrappers only hint at the wafer-caramel joy beneath.
3. Choco Leibniz. The ruthlessly efficient Teutonic teatime treat. Shitloads of chocolate are the key here, but you're only getting the kind of flimsy biscuit you'd normally associate with a Choc Dip. Still, nice writing on the back, you can't knock that.
4. Kit-Kats. I'm talking in particular about the Peanut Butter Kit-Kat chunky, although as many of you are aware, there's a whole myriad of different Japanese Kit-Kats. The elusive wasabi Kit-Kat is kind of the Holy Grail there, I'm pretty sure. Wasabi... and Kit-Kat... in one handy biscuit? Oh yes! Points down for it no longer being in foil that got stuck in your fillings and made you hit the ceiling like you were licking a 9v battery.
5. Clubs. More specifically, the raisin ones. Do they still do them? I mean, fuck the ordinary chocolate ones. Too biscuity, not enough fun. Stick raisins in there, though, and you've got something great.
6. Jaffa Cakes. You may find it surprising they're here at all; you may be surprised they're not higher up. Jaffa Cakes are moreish, of course, but there's something too spongey about them. The smashing jaffa orangey bit is, as far as I'm aware, slightly less smashing than it used to be, as well. You may well have travelled overseas and found Jaffa Cakes will all kinds of delightful fillings - the strawberry, the lime, all kinds of joy - but the orange is the original and still the best.
7. Tuc. Shit name for a biscuit (is it tuck? took? TUC?) and this is a savoury, not a sweet. But you can forgive these little blighters that. Slight problems with the crackers splintering away from the cheesy fondant centre, but apart from that, a tremendous all-rounder.
8. Bourbons. Ah yes. There are only two sensible ways of eating a Bourbon: a) remove one biscuit finger from two separate Bourbons, then place them together for one enormous chocolate-cream filling of wonderment, or b) get rid of one biscuit finger then scrape off the good stuff with your teeth. No other ways are permissable, I'm afraid.
9. Wagon Wheels. You may regard these as being beyond biscuits, but I think they still count. As a child, they seemed to last a few seconds. Now, I probably wouldn't be able to eat more than an eighth of one without being sick all over the floor. There's something satisfying, though, about a biscuit that's so fucking vast that you can't even get it in your mouth.
10. Jammy Dodgers. In a lot of ways, you could see the 'dodger' as the impertinent cousin of the Wagon Wheel, but without the mallow. The jam appears to be some kind of red melted glass suitable for road surfacing, capable of ripping apart even the most elaborate dentistry, and the biscuit itself isn't amazing. But still. It's a bloody jammy dodger.
11. Custard Creams. The baroque engraving on the side of the biscuit, the satisfying crunch-squelch-crunch of the texture, the sheer opulence of the little fuckers. You can dunk these and keep them intact, no worries.
12. Gypsy Creams. Goodness me. These take me back to my childhood, maybe about five years old, when I first started experiencing feelings that made me feel a bit strange. The first time I noticed this was watching Kate Bush doing Babooshka on Top of the Pops, thinking to myself "I don't know why, but I feel a bit weird." Another one to chalk away under 'first stirrings' was the lady in the Gypsy Creams advert, all 80s glistening hair and backlighting, riding a pony or something. It didn't have much to do with gypsies. But ooh. (I'm pretty sure I didn't make this up. Can anyone confirm this actually happened?)
13. Garibaldi. Seriously, this is my crack cocaine. I can't just have one bit. Sure, you can break a bit off and pretend that's all you're going to eat, but then all of a sudden it's half an hour later, and you're covered in crumbs and bits of raisin, and are the approximate size of a small house. For this reason, though, I can't buy Garibaldi any more. Which is a shame.
14. Party rings. These toroid nuggets of sugary love offer the doughnut experience without a doughnut - more two-dimensional, yet still garishly pink and yellow in colour, with a hole in the middle so you can play hoopla with the cat's tail. Not that I'd do that with my cat, as I'd get my face ripped off.
15. Chocolate Hob-Nobs. Of course, chocolate makes anything better. But Hob-Nobs still lurk down the lower reaches.
16. Taxis. Promised so much, didn't it, the Taxi. Ooh, I'm in Manhattan, in a yellow cab, about to bump into Woody Allen. No! It's just a bog-standard biscuit, very little to enjoy here, but hey, it could be worse.
17. Penguins. Nice pictures of penguins on the wrappers, mind.
18. Malted Milk. To be quite blunt, if it weren't for the stencil on the side, I wouldn't touch these fuckers at all.
19. Hob-Nobs. The trouble with dunking these crumbly little jokers is that you end up with separation in your tea, and a resultant oaty sludge in your final couple of mouthfuls. Danger here.
20. Chocolate Digestives. The plain chocolate are clearly the important ones here. Don't fuck me around with Cadbury's muddy sludge on there.
Unranked: Nice biscuits (they clearly are nothing of the sort).
You may well disagree with these selections, but bear in mind we've all got favourites. Where, for example, is the Blue Riband? In the fucking bin where it belongs, is my answer. But you may be dismayed by that attitude.
* I realise that some of you may not regard Jaffa Cakes as cakes and not biscuits. But for the purposes of the biscuit hierarchy, a 'biscuit' is something (generally) disc-shaped snack you eat, often with a cup of tea, with the approximate diameter slightly smaller than a normal-sized mug, for dunking purposes. I realise that not all biscuits fit this description - the Tunnock's wafer, for example, or the Choco Leibniz. But you get the general idea. Jaffa Cakes, yes; pork pies, no.
No related posts.
Buy my book, it’s great
Switch site
Donate
Recent Posts
Most Commented On
Recent Comments
- Eddie on A day with the Daily Mail
- Eddie on A day with the Daily Mail
- Eddie on Peter Hitchens depresses me. But I won’t kill him.
- Emily on Update
- Angela Webb on This isn’t a flounce
About Me
Hello. I'm a Bristol-based writer and soon-to-be-redundant journalist. You can read more about me and the Enemies site here, or follow me on Twitter. Email me if you like - antonvowl at live dot co dot uk
If you're struggling to read the site please use the drop down box below to increase the text size.
September 1st, 2010 - 17:24
I get TimTams flown in from Australia, and they RULE. Australians may be crap at sports, but they certainly know how to make chocolate biccies.
Perhaps there ought to be a World Cup of biscuits.
September 2nd, 2010 - 09:24
You should hear what my friend Mr Middleton says about TimTams. Actually, if you like them then you probably shouldn’t.
September 2nd, 2010 - 13:09
Having lived in Australia for a while I can clearly say that TimTams are merely overrated penguins.
I know this will upset a lot of people. I love your country. But this is true.
(and Vegemite and Marmite are both disgusting, so everyone involved loses that particular debate).
September 1st, 2010 - 17:47
You have inexplicably omitted the Tunnocks’ Caramel Log, the delicious coconutty cousin of the wafer.
September 1st, 2010 - 18:01
You make me sick Vowl.
Jammy Dodgers are the inferior branded version of M&S’s incredible “Jam Sandwhich Cream” which includes the cream from a custard cream and a suggary jam that allows your teeth to move as you eat it.
I will not have those horrid imposter biscuits mentioned on a blog I enjoy.
*removes from bookmarks*
September 1st, 2010 - 18:05
Good to see Party Rings in there, but what about the Caramel Rocky? And those nommy pink wafer biscuits that melt on your tongue (and clag very nicely to the roof of your mouth)?
September 1st, 2010 - 18:39
What about Tunnocks Teacakes? (if jaffa cakes count then so do they!)
September 1st, 2010 - 18:51
muhfkin Gold Bars. Biscuit with a Caramac coating, and the shiniest of wrappers that begs for some amateur origami.
September 1st, 2010 - 19:14
I thought the official difference between a biscuit and a cake was that a biscuit when left out goes soft, and a cake goes hard? I’m pretty sure that’s what the mighty Fry said on QI.
On a separate note, HOLY SHIT, the Japanese have loads of different Kit Kats? And one contains WASABI?! Get me on the next fucking flight!
(Surely a Kit Kat is generally considered a confectionary product rather than a pure biscuit though? Yes it contains biscuit (well, wafer), but then so do many other chocolate bars).
September 1st, 2010 - 19:23
We’ve spent entire tea breaks debating this at work!
I think Oreos should included (despite turning your mouth black) -somewhere between bourbons and custard creams. Jaffa cakes, Wagon Wheels, and Jammy Dodgers deserve to be higher. And I think you also need the Dark Chocolate Digestive in the game (my current fave) -someone brought in a packet of those into work a while back and they disappeared pretty quickly.
One time when management cocked up a load of our hard work, they bought us Jaffa cakes by way of an apology -they knew their workforce. It was almost enough to make us like them. Almost.
September 1st, 2010 - 19:37
I’ll give you the raisin Club, but otherwise you’ve failed abysmally Anton.
“There are some rules – generally biscuits are higher up the food chain if they have a wrapper, particularly a shiny one; and of course, the addition of chocolate improves anything.”
My King and Queen, without any debate or thought, just instinct and intuition – are the ‘GOLD’ bar and the dreamy ‘CLASSIC’ bar.
Both have wrappers: In the case of the GOLD, it is gold, actual gold, or it was when I was a kid. As does the CLASSIC.
Both have added chocolate: In the case of the GOLD, it is gold chocolate, actual gold chocolate, or it was when I was a kid.
Both have classic names: In the case of the CLASSIC, its classic name, quite literally, like the GOLD bar.
So, in the spirit of literal biscuit naming and award ceremony blog posts, I’d be happy, and to be frank, it makes perfect sense to honour the GOLD bar with 1st prize. A Lifetime Achievement Award for the CLASSIC bar would also suffice, obviously.
Thank Anton.
September 1st, 2010 - 19:51
Those German/Austrian ones you get at Christmas, with a thin white icing and a vaguely spicy taste, are the absolute king of all biscuits.
By the way have you ever seen the excellent Nice Cup Of Tea And A Sit Down website? Brilliance.
September 3rd, 2010 - 22:40
The Lebkuchen/Pfeffernuss? Hell, yes. A true taste of Christmas. Some people get excited when they see the first festive Coke advert of the year. For me, the season begins mid-Autumn when the local delis and supermarkets start selling Lebkuchen. The white-icing ones are good, although the chocolate-covered star-shaped ones rule too. The ones with jam in can fuck off, however.
September 1st, 2010 - 19:54
Top marks for Tunnock’s. I’m a bit of a posh twat when it comes to biscuits these days. Border Toffee Apple Crumbles or Morrisons honey & oatmeal biscuits, together with a nice cup of tea is like my own personal holy communion. Lovely.
September 1st, 2010 - 20:08
Fuck off mate, [1] Bourbons above Custard Cream? The Cream may be basic, biscuit+cream, but it is clearly superior. The Bourbon just is never as chocolatey as you want, but the custard cream, that fucking delivers, they need swapping.
Tunnocks deserve the number one slot, turn up in an office full of 25-35 individuals with Tunnocks and people will discuss them for 30 minutes while eating them, Viscounts will get barely a murmur. Other than that, good list.
Actually, btw, sod Wagon Wheels while we’re at it.
[1] Not seriously, just “fuck off” in a banter-james-corden kinda way
September 1st, 2010 - 20:35
For some reason I find the wikipedia definition of a Tunnock Teacake very amusing (possibly because spending too much time in front of a computer has made me go slightly peculiar)
“The Tunnock’s Teacake is a sweet food popular in the United Kingdom. They are often served with a cup of tea or coffee.
The product consists of a small round shortbread biscuit covered with a dome of a whipped egg white concoction similar to marshmallow. This is then encased in a thin layer of milk or dark chocolate and wrapped in a distinctive red and silver foil paper for the more popular milk chocolate variety, with blue and gold wrapping for the dark.
The name tea cake is somewhat confusing as generally a teacake is taken to mean a sweet bread roll with dried fruit added to the mix, which is usually served toasted and buttered. A Tunnock’s Tea Cake bears no relation to this product.”
See also: Chocolate-coated marshmallow treats
September 1st, 2010 - 20:48
Ginger nuts my friend, best dunking experience to be had. Stem ginger cookies not too bad either but a bit too fancy pants for my taste, I like my gingers simple and utilitarian.
September 1st, 2010 - 21:24
Funny enough a friend brought me some TimTams over from Aus last year. Then I discovered Sainsbury’s sell them and I couldn’t tell the difference. But they’re too heavy going and I don’t have them any more. Cadbury’s chocolate fingers have changed in some way, they taste too sickly now, same with Kitkats. Chocolate Rich Tea are wrong, too sickly too. In fact is there a consensus that chocolate has changed on our beloved biscuits? Shortbread has gone more crumbly and less ‘smooth’, and digestives somehow give me a headache these days. Party rings are similarly too sweet and crumbly – something’s going on. I used to like those metallic blue bags of of chcolate coated pretzels called Pretzel Flipz, but they were discontinued.
The meddling EU interfering with our Anglo biscuits, how dare they! Anyway to get remotely back on topic, I like Maryland choc chip cookies, the original ones and they should be in the top 5 in my humble double-chinned opinion. As for the rest, I just can’t say where they should sit. Even Jaffa Cakes taste different today, again too sweet and ‘fake’. I find the supermarket own brands taste a but nicer with a firmer body. Jesus, it’s like a fucking modeling show. Flash a bit of orange and a pair of sponge chocolate tits and you’re in.
September 3rd, 2010 - 22:42
Nom, Pretzel Flipz were wonderful! Chocolatey and salty at the same time – Revolutionary. You can still buy them from a shop in Covent Garden, Cybercandy, although the bastards charge £1.50 for a small bag.
September 1st, 2010 - 21:34
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shortbread
September 1st, 2010 - 22:08
What! Chocolate hobnobs are the best. So tasty, the sweet of the chocolate contrasting nicely with the slight salty oatiness of the biscuit.
Jaffa cakes are ace, although the orangy bit needs to be a bit more suculant.
When I was a child I didn’t have penguins, only puffins, which are a cheapo asda own brand thing, exactly the same but without the exciting pictures. I have always felt slightly deprived.
Where are the ginger nuts!? they are the top dunking biscuit and feel vauguly healthy.
Lol, when this blog is serious and political I nod my head and agree but when you start talking about biscuits I’m commenting.
September 1st, 2010 - 22:08
Caramel Logs trump Caramel Wafers. Because who doesn’t want their Caramel Wafer covered in Coconut?
September 2nd, 2010 - 00:20
Good call on the Blue Riband, but where’s the Tunnock’s Teacakes? Unlettered fool that you are, you missed them.
And Jaffa Cakes are cakes, not biscuits. Biscuits go soft when stale, cakes go hard when stale. Jaffa Cakes also go hard when stale. But, regardless, they are the finest biscuity cake in the world.
September 2nd, 2010 - 02:21
Jaffa Cakes are cakes. As they are generous enough to circumvent confusion by stating explicitly in their name that they regard themselves as firmly on the cake side of the cake/biscuit schism, I suggest that we respect the manufacturers’ wishes.
September 2nd, 2010 - 04:19
The Rich Tea, pretty boring, plain and unremarkable. The Chocolate Rich Tea, on the other hand, mmm yes.
Also, no-one ever gives a mention to the Pink Wafers in any biscuit rundown. I’m sticking my vote with them. :p
September 2nd, 2010 - 07:57
Viscounts at the top of the list? Nice biscuits unranked? Clubs above Jaffa Cakes?
Heresy! Burn him!
As a kid, my sister used to call Viscounts “Greenfly biscuits”. We never did work out why. Something to do with the green foil, obviously, but the ‘fly’ part will probably always remain a mystery.
September 2nd, 2010 - 08:10
HEY! How can you miss ginger nut biscuits off of the list? Even if you don’t enjoy the taste (which would clearly mean you are insane) they have 2 major advantages over other biscuits:
1. They are not subject to random breaking and crumbling when bitten. They usually only break where bitten and don’t spread crumbs everywhere like digestives.
2. When dunked they are much less likely to break off in your tea as they absorb the tea and become a pleasant chewy texture rather than mushy like rich teas or other lesser biscuits.
September 2nd, 2010 - 08:14
You need to separate out the milk chocolate Leibniz from its evil twin, the dark chocolate Leibniz. The light-side Leibniz may be ruthlessly efficient, but dark Leibniz will crush your spirit and laugh a wicked, evil laugh as you come crawling back to it, begging for just one more hit.
September 2nd, 2010 - 08:29
Jaffa cakes are cakes and not biscuits. You risk legal action by suggesting otherwise.
September 2nd, 2010 - 08:46
I’ve never heard of the first 3- I must have been deprived of good biscuits as a child!
Personally I don’t like raisins (with chocolate) or peanut butter (at all- gimme hazelnuts!) so I wouldn’t have put kit kats or clubs as high up as you have
I agree that penguins aren’t brilliant- I think I only used to enjoy them becuase of the jokes on the packet- do they still have those?
September 2nd, 2010 - 09:38
Busy day at the office, Anton?
September 2nd, 2010 - 09:53
Jaffa Cakes are cakes, not biscuits. An import difference as far as VAT is concerned.
http://www.bbcgoodfood.com/blog/068-jaffa-cakes/
September 13th, 2010 - 21:02
I like the way jaffa cakes are discussed in the Beeb’s good food blog, not their bog standard food blog, the good one
September 2nd, 2010 - 11:13
I class yer Kit-Kat as more of a chocolate bar than a biscuit per se, given where they’re more likely to be located in a retail environment. That said, I also class the Jaffa Cake as a cake (and appreciate that you made the distinction), yet they’re bundled into the biscuit aisle, too.
I don’t fully agree with the positioning of your list, but I can’t help but admire your methodology. Well done, sir. I can only hope you compiled the list on company time, as I did reading it
Oh, and for the record, I love Nice biscuits. How many other biscuits give you all that sugar to play with in a basic format?
September 2nd, 2010 - 11:38
It has been proven in court that Jaffa Cakes are indeed cakes and not biscuits.
McVities went through an enormous legal rigmarole to prove this.
Not to settle a Twitter argument mind but to avoid paying VAT levied on biscuits.
It’s Viscounts for me too. My mum used to lay them out elegantly on a cake stand if we had visitors for tea as she thought the shiny wrappers looked posh.
Rich Teas are a waste of space. They taste of nothing and collapse on the first dunk.
September 2nd, 2010 - 11:46
Abbey Crunch: now that was a civilised biscuit. Hob Nobs by comparison, the relatives from Oz the family would rather forget about.
September 2nd, 2010 - 11:59
I feel Fox’s crunch creams deserve a mention, especially the ginger ones-
http://www.dooyoo.co.uk/food/fox-s-ginger-crunch-creams/
Also Jafa Cakes are a cake not a biscuit, as when stale they go hard not soft like a biscuit would.
September 2nd, 2010 - 12:51
Happy Faces with the Jam in – they’re better than Jammy Dodgers. Either way, Party Rings are top of the pile for me.
September 2nd, 2010 - 12:52
The caramel wagon wheel is a particular delight. It deserves a ranking of it’s own, imho.
September 2nd, 2010 - 12:54
Would it change the order of your list if I were to tell you that Bahlsen Messino jaffa cake is EMPIRICALLY PROVEN (by me) to be tastier than the McVities original?
September 2nd, 2010 - 12:59
You’re only the 2nd person I’ve ever ‘met’ who liked Peanut Butter KitKat. Kudos. (The other was me). However Bourbons belong in the Outer Darkness and should be replaced forthwith by Pink Wafers.
September 2nd, 2010 - 13:04
(1) Club biscuits no longer have a lot of chocolate on them, so I’m not so keen on joing their club any more.
(2) It is a sign of middle age when you realise that Bourbons are much nicer than Custard Creams.
(3) Penguins are thinner than they used to be and now have awful jokes on the wrapper.
(4) I don’t think you can beat a good old plain Digestive biscuit with a cup of tea. No dunking though.
(5) Marks and Spencer Double Chocolate Viennese Sandwich Biscuits. Yum!
September 3rd, 2010 - 22:50
You know your stuff. Club biscuits are shitty these days, aren’t they? And this isn’t an I’m-Sure-Curly-Wurlies-Were-Bigger-In-My-Day-style false memory either; They used to have LOADS of chocolate on Clubs. Now it’s thinner than the stuff you get on Morrison own-brand Kit-Kats. A mere chocolate neglige.
Very generous of you to describe the text on the backs of Penguins as ‘jokes, by the way. The last one I saw said “What do penguins wear on their heads? Ice-caps”. Granted, that’s still better than anything Horne and Corden could muster up in six episodes, but still…
September 2nd, 2010 - 13:08
I love the British enthusiasm towards biscuits. TEACH IMMIGRANTS ABOUT BISCUITS WHEN THEY FLOW IN, THAT WAY THEY MIGHT BE MORE BRITISH!!!!!! etc…
Anyway, have to take issue, Vowl.
By and large, an excellent list, well explained, and well put together.
However.
Chocolate Hob-Nobs at a mere 15? You’re having a laugh, old boy. Chocolate Hob-Nobs are scientifically PROVEN to be better than ANY other biscuit. In fact, the oaty goodness, coupled with the thick chocolate covering mean that they actually transcend the shiny wrapper of the Viss-count. You can disagree with me all you like, but you’d be disagreeing with GOD. And if, like me, you don’t believe that god exists, then you’ll be disagreeing with sense.
Bloody liberals, etc…
September 2nd, 2010 - 13:13
You’ve worked hard at this. You’ve put body and soul into this list. You’ve got the ball rolling.
But seriously what the total fuck, dude? Maybe our value sets are much more different than I realised. Maybe I’m from a more austere, more innocent time. We can all get behind Tunnocks And Viscount being near the top. Lots of us love a Wagon Wheel. Fruit Club is the food of champions.
But this list is totally dominated by the chocolatey teatime indulgence, pushing the conventional ‘biscuit’ out to the fringes of the list. Surely Hob Nobs deserve more than this? Whither the Ginger Nut? It’s exclusion is a disgrace. Digestives? They’re biscuits too! You can’t take that away from them!
You show due respect to the Garibaldi, I’ll give you that. You’re not beyond redemption.
September 2nd, 2010 - 13:14
I didn’t add that comma in “its”, it must have been my keyboard.
September 2nd, 2010 - 13:16
Chocolate Fingers, my boy. Sometimes we overlook the simplest pleasures while searching for the exotic Wasabi and Caramel Wheaten.
September 2nd, 2010 - 15:53
At the risk of descent into a Carry On film, Chocolate Fingers are even better taken four or five at a time.
September 2nd, 2010 - 13:26
I’m excited to be debating biscuits. I have a hangover. This is the highlight of my day.
So: I agree that Kit-Kats are not biscuits, they are chocolate, plus made by the dreaded Nestle, so are thrown off my list. And I also agree that you have disgracefully shunned the plainer biscuits like Rich Tea and Ginger Nuts. And what about the shortbread? Especially lemon shortbread, om nom. Good call on the Viscounts, however, I hoover packs of them at a time.
I however disagree that Nice are not nice as I find them a sugary treat.
My top tip for biscuits is: bite the ends off a chocolate finger and suck whisky or brandy through your new biscuit straw. It then gets a little boozy biscuit mush in a chocolate shell. YUM.
And where are the snowballs? Gooey chocolately coconutty marshmallow things? MMMM.
September 2nd, 2010 - 14:17
Oh yes! Snowballs!
OK, so they’re not a biscuit, but they ARE the finest snacky-goodness that money can buy.
Actually, I don’t buy them. On the few occasions that I have done, they’ve all vanished within a few minutes. They’re dangerously irresistible.
And I agree that Nice are nice.
(Anton: I’ve seen the future: It’s ironing boards and biscuits. I joined you for the left-of-center polemic, but I stayed for the ironing boards and biscuits!)
September 2nd, 2010 - 13:44
I am not reading 44 comments to discover a biscuit twin. WHERE ARE THE FOX’S GINGER CREAMS, VOWL? It is physically impossible to eat one (as evidenced by Beau chain-nomming them before bed last night) and they have all of the delicious gingery yumminess of a gingernut with added sugary goo.
September 2nd, 2010 - 13:48
Oh, and the Mcvities caramel chocolatey hobnob THINGS that are essentially a cardiac arrest in biscuit form. AND the new M&S chocolate caramel biscuits. They’re like the result of marketing people staring at a lowly digestive and saying ‘it just needs…more’. Only four in a pack but you get diabetes on top of the heart attack.
(I am going to hell on a river of biscuits as you can see)
September 2nd, 2010 - 15:59
I’d like to know what happened to lemon puffs.
September 3rd, 2010 - 12:21
They still make them.
September 2nd, 2010 - 16:49
Custard Creams are vile and all the Fox’s Crunch Cream varieties are delicious. In fact, if Fox’s made a Hedgehog Droppings Crunch Cream, it would still be vastly superior to a Custard Cream. Yeuch.
September 2nd, 2010 - 19:05
Personally, I don’t think any of them beat a freshly made jam doughnut. Both our local Tesco and Sainsburys do them, but you have to buy (and eat) one as soon as possible after they’ve been put on the shelf. Ideal for elevenses!. Leave it to lunch time and that’s just what they are, lumps of dough.
September 3rd, 2010 - 09:30
Good work. Now you should abstract your biscuit analysis further by breaking each biscuit down into key ingredients (chocolate, wafer, cream filling, etc.) and mapping them on a Venn diagram. Then we can establish the ideal properties of a wholesome biscuity treat.
September 3rd, 2010 - 10:41
51 comments about biscuits – all you need now is a post about the lovely sunny weather we’re having at the moment and you’d get a hundred.
Obvious omission – two rich teas dunked together. Joy!
September 3rd, 2010 - 11:39
What’s wrong with everyone? Viscounts are fucking rank.
September 3rd, 2010 - 12:58
Lemon puffs! Haven’t seen them for years. I want one now.
I vote for a Bahlson choccy biscuit – as a treat.
Ginger nuts for everyday, ginger cookies for every other day.