We British are such a bunch of pussies dicks when it comes to the weather. Anything slightly warmer than a tepid bath and we're all like "Oh my God! We're all gonna die!!!!"; anything slightly colder than a tepid bath and we're all like "Oh my God! We're all gonna die!!!!"; anything drier than a tepid bath and, well, you get the general idea. Essentially, if it's not like a tepid bath outside, we're all at risk of freezing/frying/drowning/drying up to death.
And so, dear friends, to today's Daily Express. While it lacks the snarling at minorities of yesterday's poison-filled slurrybucket of a front page, it still persists with a similar narrative: that of us being under attack!
You can see the weather story and the Abu Hamza story as pretty much the same thing: we're under attack, and there's nothing we can do about it! We can't even extradite HOOK! We're going to fry in the hot weather! There's nothing we can do! Panic! Panic now! Panic soon! Panic quickly! Stay indoors! Don't keep calm and carry on! Panic! PANIC! This isn't just a WARNING, it's a DANGER WARNING! Aaargh!
Hang on, this reminds me of something.
Did 60,000 die in the snow? No. Did gas supplies run out? No. Did the snow chaos prove that global warming was a load of codswallop? Er, no - just as the latest 'heatwave' doesn't prove conclusively that climate change is a reality either (it's a bit more complicated than that, I reckon).
I know Brits are obsessed with the weather, but bloody hell. It's not like it's The Day The Earth Caught Fire (a film which ironically has the Daily Express as the arbiter of quality journalism), is it? Just a couple of nice days. Get a fucking Cornetto, or a 99 with monkey blood and sprinkles, and go out and enjoy yourselves! It's not the end of the world, just as the snow wasn't either!
Enough of this weatherfearporn! A few warm days are something to enjoy, not be afraid of.