Hi! In these busy credit crunch times, it's not always easy to get some prick onto the TV when you need to. Well worry no longer, because Rentaprick now offers a selection of self-important wittering talking-head cockwipes to liven up any debate, at a moment's notice.
Need some dick to come on and ruin a perfectly rational education debate by appointing himself as an expert on schooling? No problems, we'll bring you just the guy you need
to turn an otherwise interesting discussion into a self-absorbed pile of nauseating claptrap, devoid of any interest or intelligence.
We're just a phone call away. Whatever your needs - whethere you require some loud-mouthed pain in the arse to come barking along about how they're so much cleverer than you
or you just want a tedious nonentity to jabber on about their awful trolling views
we have a range of pricks to suit any budget, any time. Within seconds of your call, a motorcycle courier will pick up any miserable wankstain you need to fill a chair on a debate show, turning it from something that could provide genuine insight
into the same old jowly faces barking away at each other, reducing all debate to a series of smug wanky yaps that add nothing whatsoever to anyone's understanding.
But don't take our word for it. Listen to this testimonial from a satisfied client, Mr X of the BBC's Annoyingly Pointless Talking About Stuff Department:
"Sometimes it's late in the day, and for whatever reason you need someone so lacking in depth and yet so provocatively antagonistic that you end up wanting to headbutt the TV screen and then carve a great big X on your face with the broken glass, to remind yourself of the pain. Rentaprick can do that. With just one quick call, they sent me a complete cock who managed to wreck an otherwise worthy but unpleasantly cerebral debate, rendering it into a pulverised mess of shouty imbecile comments, instead of anything remotely approaching wit or insight. Job done. Sure, there are programmes that want celebrities who can actually offer something to the viewer - but not us. We just want the same old bunch of wankers making everything pointlessly repetitive and hateful. And let me assure you that Rentaprick can do just that."
Call us NOW. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. We can destroy any legitimate discussion with a self-important prick who is mystifyingly invited back time and time again, despite never providing any meaningful contribution whatsoever. All we ask in return is that you slaughter a goat, drink the fresh blood from a silver cup, and join us in a mass for Satan himself. What could be fairer than that? Exactly. Those Question Time seats aren't going to warm themselves, my friends...
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