Enemies of Reason Poundshop potshots at the media moral maze.

Andy Burnham website delight

It's wonderfully touching, in these airbrushed days of slick presentation in politics, to see a website that's as delightful as Andy Burnham's campaign for the leadership of the Labour Party:

Look at that. Look at it! Don't look away, now. Look. I demand that you look at it! Look at his face. Just look at his face.

Maybe the conversation went a bit like this:

"Oh hai Andy, I've done the website for your bid to be the leader of the Labour Party, and I was wondering if you had any feedback before I sent it live...?"

"Yes. I've got some feedback. Where the fuck are the shapes? Don't you realise that no political candidate's website will ever be taken seriously without geometric imagery?"

"Er, oh, what were you thinking, Andy?"

"Get me a fucking triangle."

"A... triangle?"

"Yes, a fucking triangle. And that other one, not a pentagon, the other one, you know..."

"A square?"

"Fuck! No, not a fucking square! What the fuck do you think I am, some kind of amateur? Get me the other one! You know..."

"A... hexagon?"

"Yes! A hexagon! A really massive fucking hexagon! All over the fucking page! And I want red, lots of red. We're the Labour Party, so I want it to look completely red, all over the place, then me in black and white..."

"Oh, you're thinking of the poster artwork for Blow-Up... classic imagery..."

"No! Fuck that! I want loads of red. Too much red! Red all over the fucking place. And a picture of me that looks like I'm wearing eyeliner..."

"Eyeliner?"

"Yes, loads of eyeliner. Like Alistair Cook meets Adam Lambert, that sort of thing."

"Right..."

"And red. Did I mention red? I want more red. More hexagons! Triangles! Red! All over the fucking place!"

"I see. Do you actually want to be elected?"

"I can't fail with this strategy. If they thought I was a laughing stock, they won't be after they see this..."

Be Sociable, Share!

• 

Related posts:

1. The shit down the right-hand side of the Mail’s website
2. Andy Murray’s ‘Grace Jones face’
3. Bloody hell, it’s something good on the BBC’s website
4. The Mail’s website: A bully