Enemies of Reason Poundshop potshots at the media moral maze.

We haven’t got a fucking clue, admit pollsters

BRITAIN'S leading polling organisations have joined forces to admit "we haven't got a fucking clue who's going to win the election".

The joint statement, issued on behalf of every single one of those people who take representative samples of members of the general public who are too slow-witted to avoid people with clipboards in shopping centres, said that 'errors had been made' and 'that to be brutally frank you might as well just chuck some numbers up in the air'.

It begins: "We made have given the impression, through years of attempting to give exactly that impression, that we knew what were saying in terms of knowing how people are going to vote.

"It now transpires that you might just as well divide a field up into squares and see which one's got the most daisies in it. Actually, that's not such a bad idea."

One polling organisation with strong links to a non-dom media baron who has chosen to make his newspapers pick the Conservative Party this time around and who doesn't want his products to look like they also don't know what they're fucking doing, has been asking slightly more different questions this week in the wake of a strong showing from the Liberal Democrats in recent polls.

One question read: "Nick Clegg is a dirty foreign bastard, probably, whose wife hasn't even taken his surname. And Vince Cable smells of shit. Whereas David Cameron last week tickled a baby otter. Which one of them, apart from Nick Clegg, would make a good Prime Minister?"

The polling organisation denied the question was 'loaded'. A spokesman said: "Loaded? Pah, ridiculous. We simply wanted to know how many people would want to vote Lib Dem after being told that they supported child rape, murder and allowing burglars into your house to take whatever they want. What's wrong with that?"

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