PUTTY-FACED crash test dummyalike of politics David Cameron has attempted to show a more human side in his latest anecdote, claiming that he 'met a man the other day who thought I was a complete prick'.
The Tory tin man's memory appeared to be playing tricks during the leaders' debate last week, when Cameron claimed he'd met 'one of them' who had told him his immigration policy was 'just the ticket'. The man in question later told reporters: "Yes, I met that Stepford Husband about six years ago, but the conversation we had is not quite as he recalled it. I told him he could go fuck himself if he thought I was voting Tory."
Cameron's latest anecdote revolves around a chance meeting with an undecided voter in Luton, who told him to 'get the fuck off my doorstep, you simpering Michael Schumacher clone cockwipe'.
The Conservative Party leader said: "Yes, I met a charming man in Luton, which I think is one of those poor places we need to have outside London for people with ladders on the rooves of their cars to live in. He told me he thought I was a complete prick, and you know it's great to have some real interaction with the public.
"Then he told me if I didn't get out of his front garden he was going to start lobbing cat shit at me. So essentially he entirely agrees with Conservative Party policy about pretty much everything."
The anecdote was confirmed as 'actually true for fucking once' by its subject, Chris Flange, 31, from Luton, who added: "Yes, I saw that thin-lipped android lumbering up my garden, and I chased the fuckwit away.
"I'm quite pleased that as well as the more positive anecdotes, Mr Cameron has decided to tell one which doesn't unsurprisingly end up with a so-called ordinary member of the public agreeing with every single one of his clapped-out policies.
"But of course I won't be voting for the fucker."
Cameron said the move towards more realistic anecdotes was a response to what some people had seen as 'a spectacularly feeble tactic' during last week's leaders' debate. "Actually," he went on, "I bumped into a charming lady while I was filling up my Lexus the other day. She said that I should start telling more honest anecdotes rather than just trying to create a shamelessly transparent fiction in which all these people were saying how right I was. And that just goes to show tha - oh bugger, I've done it again."