EXCITED voters are looking forward to avoiding the first ever British TV election debate.
The televisual damp squib, scheduled for Thursday evening, has motivated millions of Britons to pick up a copy of the Radio Times in a desperate bid to find something - anything - else to watch instead of the tedious finger-jabbing exercise in mediocrity.
Keen TV viewer Joyce Mad, 79, a pensioner from Milton Keynes who likes knitting and boring other people about her grandchildren, said: "I love watching TV and I'll pretty much have it on throughout the day, no matter what I'm up to.
"But I'll be fucked if I'm going to sit around being patronised by those three hopeless cream buns all evening.
"I'm looking at DIY SOS, followed by Have I Got News For You and then Outnumbered, although there are other options. You could go for In Search Of The Perfect Loaf on BBC Four at 9pm - sure, it sounds like it could be excruciatingly dull, but then again, it won't be that trio of wankstains."
While die-hard political freakshows and people with no friends are said to be 'delighted' by the likelihood of the debates being over-analysed and lied about by dimiwitted party cheerleaders for hours afterwards, all of whom will claim that their candidate 'won' the argument, everyone else in Britain is just looking forward to another night of low-grade relatively entertaining TV fare.
"I'll be going for Hitler's Bodyguard on Yesterday," said weary dad-of-three Michael Spam, 36, from Bridlington.
"It's going to be good because it's got Hitler in it. I mean, say what you like about Hitler, but is anyone going to be making documentaries about Nick Clegg's bodyguard in 60 years' time? I don't bloody think so."