I promise to destroy Radio Halifax, says Brown
EMBATTLED Prime Minister Gordon Brown unleashed a master stroke in this year's election campaign today with a promise to "raze that fucking Halifax radio station to the fucking ground".
In a move that caught his political rivals off guard, Brown hastily called a press conference after being subjected to three of the 'zany' adverts in the course of a single ad break.
The controversial commercials, in which hilariously cheerful employees describe their products through the medium of catchy tunes and jingles, have led to one commentator calling them "like Halifax pissing in your face and then smearing the knob cheese all over your nose".
"I promise," thundered Brown, visibly shaking, "that if you elect me this time around I will set fire to that fucking radio station, with all of those bastards inside, and dance around wearing a sombrero and vigorously shaking a pair of giant maracas as they burn to death."
Early indications show that Brown's poll rating leapt to 99%, the highest ever recorded in the history of time. Quick to counter the popular policy, David Cameron joined in with the attack, saying: "Of course, under a Conservative Government we would put a fucking great load of dynamite under Radio Halifax and blow them back to the stone age. Try making a Little Extra Help when you're blown to smithereens, you shower of cunts."
Nick Clegg, meanwhile, said: "I'd jab them with a stick."
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Hello. I'm a Bristol-based writer and soon-to-be-redundant journalist. You can read more about me and the Enemies site here, or follow me on Twitter. Email me if you like - antonvowl at live dot co dot uk
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April 7th, 2010 - 12:38
It’s a vote winner.
April 7th, 2010 - 13:04
Ha ha ha ha, well it’s got my vote….
What about the Greens and the BNP and all the other ‘Others’ ?
April 7th, 2010 - 13:20
Yay! Anton for PM or something.
April 7th, 2010 - 13:22
The new round of adverts now feature “proper actors” showing that even the Halifax have become fucked off.
(I say this as an embittered ex-Halifax employee who never got to audition)
(that last bit is a lie. Well, I am an embittered ex-Halifax employee but I never tried to audition)
April 7th, 2010 - 16:14
I wonder what sort of person listens to Radio Halifax and thinks, these are people are mature enough to be entrusted to make wise investments on my behalf. Brown should send in Prescott to punch their lights out!
April 7th, 2010 - 16:50
Fuck me, I wish.
April 17th, 2010 - 15:30
My secondary/high/comprehensive cricket playing teenage ‘education’ was at The Halifax High School. We were forced to listen to Halifax Radio before it became mainstream – during assembly – and forced to recite lines like ‘Isa Isa Baby’ before we engaged in a career service that encouraged us ‘that you could do a lot worse than work for the (THEN) Halifax Building Society’. The school was literally next door to the first EVER Halifax Branch, and it has become my Thatcherite Yorkshire ‘I’m off down t’pit’ type socialisation. Walking past your future career path, day after day, is a frighteningly depressing state of affairs. Anyone want a mortgage?
April 28th, 2010 - 17:38
I also suffer from panic attacks and i can manage it by deep and slow breathing. i also practice meditation.. .