Hateful shite
There's an article by Allison Pearson over at the Mail which I won't link to partly because I assume it's a bit of flamebait, and partly because it's such immensely awful shite, it's unbearable and I wouldn't want to put anyone through the ordeal of reading it. Still, here's a taste:
If Gordon Brown is re-elected as prime minister in May . . . I warn you not to speak English or even to be English (try being Scottish, that should help).
...
I warn you not to put orange peel in the wrong rubbish bin - that'll cost you £5,000 and a suspended sentence.
...I warn you not to save for a home with a decent postcode because that will mark you out as their enemy and they will punish you.
...I warn you not to be middle class. Above all, I warn you to book that one-way family ticket to New Zealand.
Trust me, they'll be selling fast.
To which I think the right response is: I hope you fuck off as far away as is humanly possible, Pearson, whether Labour win or not. Antarctica would be a decent shout, though I pity the poor fucking penguins. Actually, anywhere that you're unable to communicate your miserable dribblings to us will do fine.
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March 24th, 2010 - 15:05
New Zealand is, of course, the perfect choice for Mail readers, since it’s basically the UK stuck in the 1950s. Which is exactly what they want.
March 24th, 2010 - 15:35
Is it just my fevered imagination or was Allison Pearson vaguely left-leaning around 20 years ago?
March 24th, 2010 - 16:19
People say this to me – I was of course but a baby at the time (pfffft). You have to wonder whether it’s just tailoring what you write to the publication you’re writing for – nothing wrong with that in itself, of course, but if you’re writing hateful bollocks like Pearson does, then it is a whole big bowl of wrong.
March 24th, 2010 - 15:52
Seconded about New Zealand being in the 1950s, but I found the people friendly, tolerant of immigrants and the indigenous population (at least compared to the Aussies) and rather nice. I wouldn’t wish Pearson on them (or anyone actually).
March 24th, 2010 - 16:09
Wow, it pretty much demolishes itself. She’s ripping off Neil Kinnock claiming the Tories would harm the young, the old, the ill and the ordinary – and the best she can come up with for parallel warnings about Labour is that there’ll be lots of Scots in Parliament and you might get told off for putting fruit in the wrong bin. Doesn’t have quite the same rhetorical weight, does it?
March 24th, 2010 - 16:43
That’s pretty bad writing from her that demands only one response:
Fuck you.
March 24th, 2010 - 18:30
I remember her when she was on The Late Review or whatever it was called on BBC2.
Her and Tony Parsons used to have a competition to see who could make the most pointless verbal contribution to humanity ever while Tom Paulin’s eyeballs would roll back in his head in despair.
Mrs El Chuffo once read an article by Pearson bemoaning the lot of the working mother that then went on to mention employing a nanny and rightly wanted to wind her tits through a mangle. Pearson’s that is, not Mrs El Chuffo’s.
I bet she’s a bit dirty though. Pearson that is. Not Mrs El Chuffo. Sadly.
March 25th, 2010 - 09:56
It gets even worse as you go down the page.
There’s actually a story complaining about a Doctor Who assistant who ‘wears short skirts’.
Must have missed all the other girls(and one bloke) in short dresses over the last nearly 50 years of the show then.
It’s an astonishingly bad column.
March 25th, 2010 - 11:28
Yeah re: Doctor Who she says “Since when have the Doctor’s assistants been sexy?” well the lobotomy operation must have worked because I seem to remember Billie Piper and Freema Agyeman both being distinctly sexy, plus almost every single one of the companions in the original series (Lousie Jameson as Leela?) We’ll draw a veil over Bonnie Langford, nice girl that she is.
March 25th, 2010 - 12:02
Out of interest did you read Jan Moir’s bizzare column about Sophie Dahl’s cookery programme? She was particular annoyed that she was not using the kitchen in her own home.
I was always under the impression that TV Cookery shows needed a specific layout with a table in the middle and lots of room to allow the chef to demonstrate to the cameras and allow the camera crew to mill around.
Clearly I am wrong and TV set studios are evil. I look forward to the new series where they try to shoot her hob next to the wall and have to try and lean over the shelves and knock everything over. The truth, that’s what I stand for.
March 28th, 2010 - 17:29
Do Mail columnists compete in some kind of “who can be the biggest twat” award?
If so, Ms Pearson is surely in pole position to win.
I hope she enjoys her thirty pieces of silver for writing such hateful trash.