Are you a terrorist?
I still can't really believe this is kosher. Has anyone heard it on the radio? I don't listen to TalkSport because I'd rather shut my face in a waffle iron, pounding the lid down repeatedly on my melting skull, so I have no idea whether this is true or not.
Paying with cash... keeping the curtains closed... keeping yourself to yourself... they don't seem much by themselves, but when put together... it's just about every fucking person in the world you fucking numbnuts. Seriously. Is this what the finest brains of MI5 have cooked up? People who close their curtains and aren't particularly sociable, or who - gasp - pay with cash? What kind of ludicrous profiling is that? I could shop half the elderly people on my estate. (Actually, that's not such a bad idea. I might be able to get to the front of the bus queue every now and then.)
Still, it does say "If you suspect it, report it". I suspect this is a massive fucking waste of time and taxpayers' money, so I report that whichever joker dreamt up this total crock of shit should be kicked down the fire escape with a bin-bag and a P45.
All I need now is a quote from some angry-sounding wanktank to flesh out the article, and we're done, so here goes.
Anton Vowl, of the Campaign To Stop Our Government From Pointlessly Scaremongering About Terrorism In A Way That Doesn't Fight Terrorism But Merely Ramps Up Fear Of Terrorism, said: "This is quite bad. I don't like it at all. Ooh, nasty."
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March 12th, 2010 - 10:35
This describes me, apart from I don’t have curtains but a huge blind.
Talk Sport is the Daily Fail of the airwaves but that ad is too subtle for its listeners, they needed to chuck in: “and looks like a P*ki.”
March 12th, 2010 - 10:36
Clever. Very clever. These are all very innocuous behaviour patterns for English Little Old Ladies, but very, very suspicious for certain other groups. It leaves the beardy/brown/house-smells-of-foreign-food unsaid, but everyone knows what you mean.
March 12th, 2010 - 11:16
Well, I’m Muslim, I’m not very socialable, and I usually pay in cash because I have a Building Society account (I give the interest to charity, btw) instead of a bank account. When can I expect the battering ram at the front door?
March 12th, 2010 - 11:54
The blinds at Larrington Towers haven’t been opened since well before 7/7. I am expecting a visit from the Arrest-O-Bots before the end of next week.
March 12th, 2010 - 12:20
Surely this isn’t real! Has it really come to this? I wonder is there’s a new innovation in bettering ran technology I can take advantage of to start a new business?
March 12th, 2010 - 12:30
My five year old keeps lowering the blinds claiming that he “can’t see the television properly when the sun’s shining”
And I have rarely seen him with a credit card…