After ensuring my place in hell yesterday thanks to calling the Pope a "ridiculous old cunt" and "an elderly virgin who believes in magic", I may as well add treason to the list. I say 'treason' but I wouldn't think it treacherous to label a well-meaning twerp a well-meaning twerp. And yes, it's Prince Charles, the future face on our stamps and banknotes, that I'm on about.
''I was accused once of being the enemy of the Enlightenment. I felt rather proud. I thought hang on a moment, the enlightenment started over 200 years ago," he said.
Hang on, so did the entirely unfair and unjust principle of hereditary monarchy - I imagine you'll distance yourself from those outdated ideas as well, Charles? No, thought not. Put the Enlightenment into context, in an era when this fool's ancestors ruled through the 'divine right of kings', and it's perfectly understandable why Charles should dislike it so much. Gone are the dog days when monarchs fought it out among themselves to see who had the biggest guns and the fastest ships; now the wretched proles are allowed to take charge through some ghastly principle of democracy. Ugh. Isn't it?
The Prince also proclaimed that he battled hard on issues despite facing ''unbelievable abuse''.
This comment came as he talked about his recommendations that bird boxes be built on Foundation properties.
I'm with him on the bird boxes though. Nice to have birds nesting in places. But don't ideas about conservation come from, oh I don't know, more than 200 years ago? Should we ignore them, because they're old, and therefore automatically outdated, unlike the principle of some people getting huge privileges just because of which fanny they slipped out of, which is somehow all right in Charles's modern-thinking world?
Our future head of state, ladies and gentlemen.