The Express isn't sure whether it's the snowpocalypse or not.
Aargh! Gas running out! Looting! Murder! People turning to cannibalism! (Of course, gas is always, by its nature, running out so it's not entirely false - it's just that it hasn't run out quite yet, so it's a teensy weensy bit misleading)
Wuuuuurgh! Help! Panic! Chaos! Cars not moving quite as freely as they would otherwise do! Flakes of white stuff falling to the ground! Panic! Death! Roasting headless babies on a spit! Murder! Barricade yourselves in! Evil! Coldness! Fear!
However, Thursday brought this:
That's right. You see, the GAS IS RUNNING OUT and it's SNOW CHAOS, and you should be panicking... but, on the other hand, don't let that panic mean that we're ground to a halt, obviously. I mean, yes, it's is chaos, but on the other hand, it's not as if it's chaos, is it?
Panic returned for today, though, in a delightfully responsible piece of journalism that reports the facts without having to resort to simplistic scaremongering:
Yes! PANIC NOW! Panic! Stock up on tins of spaghetti hoops and firewood - this is going to be the snowmageddon! Doomed, I tell you, doomed! A far cry from "Don't let the snow bring us to a stop" - now the Express says that the snow definitely will bring at least 60,000 of us to a stop, permanently. Sadly, then, it's the "Don't panic" that's the island in a sea of "Aaargh, we're all gonna die!" - and when 60,000 of us haven't snuffed it because of the weather? Well we should just think ourselves lucky we're still around to enjoy such beautiful front pages.