It does*. It says 'Phew what a scorcher'.
I sometimes wonder if the poor drone who has to blu-tack together the Daily Express front page secretly puts in little touches to show how much they think it's jumped the shark as a cry for help.
"Look," I imagine them saying, "We're not a proper newspaper any more. We're even using 'Phew what a scorcher' - the kind of jokey headline that people think of when they think of the Sun in the 1970s, as a headline below a picture of a woman in a bikini. We've given up, can't you see that? Why are any of you still buying this dreadful soggy excuse for a newspaper? Why are you putting it in your shopping baskets or rolling it up under your arm? It's over. We're finished. We've given up all hope of producing anything remotely good, so we're trying to tell you, in as subtle a way as we can, that this is shit. And yet somehow, miraculously, people go into newsagents, without any hint of despair, and buy the bloody thing. Whether they're mad or stupid we don't know, but they do. We could put a great big turd on the front page and a headline saying WE HATE YOUR NAN and people would still go and buy the sodding thing, thinking it was a newspaper. What else are we meant to do?"
That's what I think anyway, but I could well be wrong. Perhaps people really think that 'Phew what a scorcher' is postmodern genius. Or that Naomi Campbell really is a 'scorcher', and after having viewed a photo of her we really ought to say 'Phew'. I don't know.
Nice of them to try and tell everyone not to panic about the snow, after yesterday's
* In case you ever wondered where I get these front pages from, they're from the Sky News website, which pops them up late every evening or first thing in the morning. Who knows - Perhaps the Express sometimes send over very early editions which have been put together as a joke. That's the way it looks sometimes, though I often walk into the Co-op later in the day and see they are, in fact, depressingly real.
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