It's not often that I find myself paddling through the murky effluent of the Daily Express Have Your Say section in search of insightful comments, but it's always worth knowing what the readers of the self-proclaimed "World's Greatest Newspaper" think about the burning issues of the day. Whether these people really represent Express readers is a moot point; whether they represent a truly disturbing batshit insane cross section of the most wearyingly thick people in the world is not.
The debate is this:
That introduction sets the parameters of the debate. It says that punctuation isn't important, for example, and points out that CAPS LOCK is more than welcome. It says that you can assert stuff like "Kids don't even know Christmas is about Jesus" without anything whatsoever to back it up. It's aiming high. The majesty of some of the political and theological analysis is quite breathtaking.
You might look at that and think to yourself: what the hell? But that's really not unrepresentative of the debate, which quickly veers off the idea of Christianity. It's not even as if these people can manage to talk about the thing they're meant to talk about: they're all so vein-poppingly angry about Gordon and Darling and NuLieBore that they have to mention their rage at every available opportunity, regardless of the topic that's actually up for discussion.
Well, that's a bit more like it, isn't it? At least Christianity gets a look-in with this comment; it's almost slightly relevant to the discussion question. As ever, the Express messageboard obsession with Blair and 'mass immigration' dominates everything else, as well as a dig at people who are on benefits, so all in all, a marvellous comment.
That's quite beautiful, isn't it? The anger is there, the roaring froth of indignation; there's also a lovely touch of 'white people are the real victims', which is an essential ingredient of these Daily Express debates. I always enjoy the portrayal of New Labour as Marxists as well; delightful.
'One_of_the_seven_dwarves' has a simple solution to problems such as the PC Brigade and people who believe in global warming: kill them. Quite an elevated level of debate here, which might give you a tiny clue as to why a lot of Express stories don't allow comments.
Well, I'd like to see you argue against that. Go on, try. I bet you can't! I bet you can't fight your way out of that intellectual labyrinth.
Yes. I think that's answered the question about Christian values very well.
If in doubt, go with a dictionary definition. That way you win the debate! It's like calling in a YouTube link to prove your case.
Reading these Express discussions gives you a wearying feeling. These people know they're meant to be angry, but they can't quite aim it in the right direction. They know Gordon's bad and Blair was bad, but they're not quite sure why, except they might be Marxists, and it's got something to do with the PC Brigade and white people feeling like strangers in their own country. But generally it just seems to be an electronic day centre that's open for those cold hours when the library might be closed and the Wetherspoon isn't open yet. It's bewildering and slightly demoralising to wade through all this. Is this really the freedom that the internet gave us - freedom for this? Ah well. At least if it keeps these people happy, then that's something. Obviously, it demolishes the Express brand and makes it appear even more laughably inane than it already was, but perhaps that's no bad thing.
- How do you confuse an Express reader?
- Do you think bastards at the Daily Express phrase questions in their Have Your Say section in order to provoke a particular kind of response?
- Express questions slip seamlessly into self-parody
- A little bit more work for the Express ‘legal team’
- Open letter to Express advertisers
Buy my book, it’s great
- A paper-thin defence of Mr Ratchett
- A thing about the Mail and Miliband
- CGI Babar makes me sad
- Tabula rasa
- On depression and sadness
Most Commented On
- In Praise of Flouncing on Tabula rasa
- Vashti on CGI Babar makes me sad
- Rayya on On depression and sadness
- Shauna on Tabula rasa
- MFR on Tabula rasa
Hello. I'm a Bristol-based writer and soon-to-be-redundant journalist. You can read more about me and the Enemies site here, or follow me on Twitter. Email me if you like - antonvowl at live dot co dot uk
If you're struggling to read the site please use the drop down box below to increase the text size.