It's that time of the year, when journalists
cobble together some lists to fill some space so they can go out and get ratarsed every lunchtime produce exciting lists of culturally important things so they keep their finger on the pulse and provide vital information for their readers.
This being the end of the decade*, there are even more lists. Thankfully we're spared the 'best stuff of the Millennium' drivel - remember Robbie Williams being listed as more important than Schubert? - but now is just the beginning. The coming weeks will see dozens and dozens of the blighters.
Here's the first I've seen so far, at the NME. 100 tracks of the decade. I suppose the whole point of these things is to create debate and make you sneer/cheer at the choices, but I can only find 14 in there that I actively like. Do I have rubbish taste or is it the NME who are rubbish? I am guessing it's probably a bit of both.**
Anyway, there will be more to come. More horrors to encounter. More lists to read. So I thought I'd come up with one myself. Here is my list of top 10 things I've hated reading in the newspapers this year:
1. Jan Moir and Stephen Gateley
No surprises here, the sheer sneeriness of it and corpse-being-barely-cold wins hands down.
2. The Scottish Sunday Express and Dunblane
How dare those kids be allowed to be normal 18-year-olds?
3. Jab 'as bad as the cancer'
Except no-one even said that.
4. Jan Moir and Zoe Ball
Second entry in the top 10 for Moir, who managed to imply that Zoe Ball somehow had something to do with female violence. Bonus points for a 'no-one is implying that Zoe Ball is responsible for this' then going on to imply that she might well be.
5. Sticking the boot into missing woman Claudia Lawrence
A truly unpleasant article about the missing woman's lovelife, with an anonymous 'friend' doing the kicking.
6. Jan Moir and laughing at the poor
Not just a crock of shit, but the same crock of shit twice. Well done to Jan for getting three appearances in the list though.
7. Daily Telegraph and 'benefits system favours migrants'
Yes, stated as fact despite the Telegraph's own stories providing the evidence to the contrary, it's a welcome appearance from the broadsheets. Well done for stooping so low!
8. Melanie McDonagh asking for a 'middle-class baby boom'
Lovely to see the Telegraph sneering about 'the Somali mothers you see in West London'. What a wonderful credit to its claims to be a quality newspaper.
9. Amanda Platell: If Melanie McDonagh can do it, I'm having some of that
Immigrant Amanda Platell lays into immigrants, sniping: "it is not the indigenous middle-class, hard-working, tax-paying population that's exploding." Could you be a bit more specific, Amanda? I can't quite work out what you're trying to say.
10. The Express reaches out to international readers
by telling them that "BRITAIN IS FULL UP", coincidentally the same slogan used by the BNP.
* I know. I know that technically there was no Year 0, etc etc, but it's always more exciting when the numbers tick over, isn't it? YES IT IS.
** In case you're interested, I like numbers 1, 14, 18, 30, 33, 42, 47, 48, 61, 74, 76, 83, 92 and 99.
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