...but only if they're Christmas trees.
Yes, hardworking overtaxed middle-class people may find it slightly more difficult to find a real Christmas tree for Jocasta and Simeon to sit around in their Surrey semi this year, according to this shock report today:
Horrors! There may be a slight increase in demand across Europe for trees so not so many will end up in the UK. But hang on a tick; what's this?
The Norway Spruce, the traditional British Christmas tree, is also expected to be in short supply, the British Christmas Tree Growers Association says.
I, I, I, I... what what what?! The traditional British Christmas tree is a bleeding spongeing dirty immigrant, coming over here and sucking nutrients away from ordinary hardworking indigenous British firs?!
Eight million real trees are sold in Britain each year and the Nordmann fir has become the favourite because of its dark green needles, which do not shed.
The Nordmann fir? Nordmann doesn't sound like a traditional English gawdblessthequeenmum conifer name, does it? It's exactly the kind of name which, were it the name of a Tory prospective parliamentary candidate, would probably anger Peter Hobbins and the massed ranks of Mail readers who roared in approval about his rant the other day. It sounds like it might well be - pass the smelling salts - a foreign tree.
Meanwhile, the Mail seems to find comfort in this paragraph:
Meanwhile, growers have reported one of the best-ever years for British-grown trees, thanks to the summer's mixture of rain and sunshine.
You mean to say... foreign types of tree... coming over here... taking our soil... there'll be millions and millions of them before 2030, if this increase carries on at its current rate! Aaaaaargh! We're doomed!
But no. It's all right if it's a Christmas tree. Just a bad thing when it's a human being.
(Thanks to Carl for the tipoff!)