There's been far too much publicity given to those 'indigenous folk' of the BNP this week, and I've been as guilty as anyone. I won't be watching Question Time tonight, though; it's the one thing I studiously avoid - even for a few seconds - on a Thursday night, such is the bubbling rage that wells up inside me as soon as I see Dimbleby's withered face and those poncey half-moon glasses. I saw half a minute recently while I was desperately hunting for the remote control and was sick into a bin. I loathe this fucking programme. And I'm not going to start watching the bloody thing because, well, you know, *that* man is on it. In future I am going to obscure his face with a black rectangle so you can't identify him.
Shit! I didn't mean like that, I meant like this:
There. He looks better already, almost like he's got a blindfold. All we need now is a cigarette in his mouth and his arms tied behind his back, and everything will be perfect!
Anyway, no more about Gr*ff*n. You're probably thinking that there'll be plenty of choice for the non-BNP viewer tonight, but I'm afraid you're sadly mistaken. In fact, ITV1 is doing its best to boost ratings for the world's most tedious debating programme by screening one of the few men in Britain it's easier to hate than der Gr*ff*nfuehrer: Piers Morgan interviewing Boris Becker. Jesus. One garbled attempt at the English language and a silly haircut... from a man interviewing Boris Becker.
Fuck that shit. What's Channel 4 got? Saw III. Not my sort of thing either. I watched a bit of the first one and it was gash. Besides, the creepy old puppetmaster would remind me too much of that man whose name I'm not going to mention. Five, meanwhile, has Blade, which if anything is even worse, albeit less gory - but the hero is black, I guess, which would piss off you-know-who. I'm guessing there's not a big Venn diagram between BNP supporters and Wesley Snipes fans.
Crap though Blade is, I'd prefer it to the horrendous battle of the brains as Fearne Cotton witters away to Paris Hilton on ITV2. Much like Jack Straw, Cotton must be glad to be on screen tonight with someone more vacuous and hateful than her. Maybe I'm too cynical. Maybe it'll be like Freud meeting Einstein or something. Though I'm not holding my breath.
Aha! Jaws is on ITV4. Now that's a bit more like it. A huge ugly beast, terrifying ordinary people, gobbling them up and shitting them out. A bit like the BNP, I grant you, but still worth a look. I could watch that film forever. Especially the bit where the man gets his eye ripped out. Great! Oh. We're back to one-eyed bloated corpses again, aren't we? Swiftly on, then. There's also Curb Your Enthusiasm on More4. Hooray! Finally, no need to be tempted to keep flicking over to see the pantomime on BBC1. And that's all to the good.
Actually, I might just go out tonight, come to think of it. The world will be a wonderful place - BNP scum will all be glued to the telly, cheering on their hero, so the streets will be a wonderful place to be, free of those shithouses. Maybe go out and enjoy the world, instead. A BNP-free world.