It's a simple way to monetise digital news while keeping content free to view for everyone. I think it's going to work and raise millions of pounds for newspapers everywhere. And remember, if anyone does introduce this, I will be demanding royalties.
All newspapers have to do is simply charge for online comments. Call it "my two cents' worth" or something - and make it literally a couple of cents. People will be so incensed by the stories of the evil PC Brigade stopping ordinary middle-class Anglo-Saxon British families from writing racist abuse on bricks and throwing it through people's window - an appalling clampdown on free speech in this once-great country which has been ruined by ZaNuLab - that they'll be happy to pay a couple of pennies to have their say. I propose a bundle of comments, let's say 50 for £1, which will quickly be used up frothing at the mouth at what some council somewhere is doing to stop ordinary British hardworking families from setting fire to Muslims' heads, because of so-called health and safety.
Look at the thousands of comments on stories on newspapers everywhere. From CiF to the Times Online and Telegraph Online, there appear to be literally thousands of tragic bastards with literally nothing better to do in their appalling waste of life than parrot inane bullshit in the comments to show how Britain is going to the dogs and how Gordy McBastard has ruined our once-great land by allowing queers and Muslims to be alive. Let's charge these people for saying it. They're clearly so desperate to type their 50-60 words of utter shit that they won't mind paying a token fee to get it off their chest.
Once people get used to the principle of paying a little for the privilege of commenting on online news stories, I think we can introduce a bit of a sliding scale so that we can grow the digital revenue even further. So here are my plans:
- Expats writing about how bad Britain is even though they haven't been there in ages yet believe everything they read in Littlejohn's You Couldn't Make It Up section as being a fair and accurate representation: £2 per comment.
- The phrase "ZaNuLab" or "ZaNuLieBore" - £10 per comment.
- Anyone making a vile comment about how a woman looks - £100 per comment.
- The phrase "Here we go again" - £1,000 per comment.
- The phrase "Wake up people!" - £2,000 per comment.
- Anyone using the phrase "the indigenous population" to mean white people: £5,000 per comment.
So there you have it. The newspaper industry saved, with a bonus tax on fuckwittery.
Buy my book, it’s great
- Cheerio, cheerio, cheerio…
- Children died
- The letters you never get around to sending
- Applying again
- I just sent Robin round – 2
Most Commented On
- Iain on Applying again
- Roger on The letters you never get around to sending
- Dave Hodgkinson on The letters you never get around to sending
- droid on The letters you never get around to sending
- Rogue_Leader on The letters you never get around to sending
Hello. I'm a Bristol-based writer and soon-to-be-redundant journalist. You can read more about me and the Enemies site here, or follow me on Twitter. Email me if you like - antonvowl at live dot co dot uk
If you're struggling to read the site please use the drop down box below to increase the text size.