Absolute filth in pop « Enemies of Reason

13Aug/0927

Absolute filth in pop

Apropos nothing, I thought I'd try and collate some of the filthiest lyrics in mainstream pop music. It comes off the back of a Twitter discussion I had with loveandgarbage on Twitter about the lyrics to Bucks Fizz's Making Your Mind Up. Here was a song that was cheerily played on the same BBC that took an iron rod to Frankie's Relax, despite lyrical similarities.

Where Frankie said:

Relax don't do it
When you want to go to it
Relax don't do it
When you want to come

Were the bubbly bowlcut boys and girls from the Fizz thinking along pretty much the same lines of delaying orgasm, with

you gotta speed it up
and then you gotta slow it down

and let's not forget their sage advice:

dont let your indecision take you from behind

Well, who'd want that?

Most baffling sexual reference comes from R Kelly, who's in fairly safe 'car-sex' territory with

Girl I'm feelin what you feelin
No more hopin and wishin
I'm bout to take my key and
Stick it in the ignition

in his hit 'Ignition'. The car key is his cock, you see! But wait, what's this?

Now it's like murder she wrote
Once I get you out them clothes

Come again?

Now it's like murder she wrote
Once I get you out them clothes

It's like Murder She Wrote? You mean to say when you take your clothes off in front of R Kelly, you become a mystery writer from Cabot Cove who becomes implausibly embroiled with a series of brutal murders? Is that what you mean, RK? Or are you fantasising about putting your "ignition key" somewhere near Angela Lansbury? What are you on about, you strange and slightly disturbing man?

The car-sex stuff is also covered by Rihanna in "Shut Up and Drive", where she opines:

So if you feel me let me know, know, know
Come on now what you waiting for, for, for
My engine's ready to explode, explode, explode
So start me up and watch me go, go, go, go

Again, with the ignition key = cock metaphor. "You've got the key, shut up and drive", she says. Rihanna, the modern emancipated woman, isn't too keen on the niceties of sex, a bit like Kelly Rowland, who warbles:

You lookin' like you're lookin' for an explanation
Use the curves in my body for your motivation
Skip the petty games no need for complication
Use those things for sure I'll reach my destination

in the imaginatively titled "Put it in", which makes "Lick my love pump" seem almost coy. Oh whatever happened to romance, to seduction, to foreplay even? Fear not, for here's Christina Aguilera demanding a proper old-fashioned evening of teasing and delights:

If you wanna be with me, baby
There's a price you pay
I'm a genie in a bottle
You gotta rub me the right way
If you wanna be with me
I can make your wish come true
You gotta make a big impression
I gotta like what you do

Phew, well that's something. Got to rub her the right way, much as the Sugababes Autotuned in their hit "Push the Button":

If you're ready for me boy
You'd better push the button and let me know
Before I get the wrong idea and go
You're gonna miss the freak that I control

Who'd want to miss that freak? You'd be a fool to. Before the Sugababes we had the Spice Girls, who extolled the virtues of slapping on a rubber bucket, even if it was just for a bit of post-breakup rutting:

Are you as good as I remember baby? Get it on, Get it on
'cause tonight, is the night,when 2 become 1
...
Be a little bit wiser baby, put it on, put it on
'cause tonight is the night when 2 become 1

Yes, put it on, for heaven's sake. Who knows where you've both been in the meantime? You'll be getting all sorts of soreness otherwise.

And finally, I think for absolute muck in a popular song, I don't think you can do much better than Sheena Easton. Ah she was such an innocent wee girl before she met Prince. Afterwards, there came the depravity of "Sugar Coated Walls":

My sugar walls
my sugar walls.
Where I come from there's a place called heaven

That's the place where all the good children go.
The houses are of silver
the streets of gold.
But there's more where you come from - my sugar walls.
My sugar walls
my sugar walls.
Blood races to your private spots

let's me know there's a fire.
You can't fight passion when passion is hot

Temperatures rise inside my sugar walls.

Let me take you somewhere you've never been

I could show you things you've never seen.
I could make you never wanna fall in love again

Come spend the night inside my sugar walls.

Well, that doesn't leave a tremendous amount to the imagination, does it? All suggestions of filthier filth than that are gratefully received.

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formulaic666
August 13th, 2009 - 18:44

Surely for lyrical depravity you need look no further than the mighty Motley Crue? Don't believe me? Try this ode to lust:

When she calls me up
My voice, it starts to shake
She says come right over
Over right away
Oh, good God, there's a fire
In my pants
Then lightning strikes and she
Laughs that evil laugh

She's so sticky
Stick sweet Now when I've done good
She slaps me on the ass
It takes more than ten seconds
To satisfy this lass
The way she walks, I swear
Should be a crime
Sirens scream everytime
She walks by

She's so sticky
Stick sweet

I particularaly enjoy the line 'It takes more than ten seconds to satisfy this lass'

( REPLY )
Joe
August 13th, 2009 - 18:48

Weirdy pretentious avant garde bollocks group (and obsession of mine) the Art of Noise once released a song entitled "(Three Fingers of) Love". Entirely instrumental, but utterly, utterly disturbing, full of lipsmacking sound effects, groans and fuck knows what.

I think they win just for the title alone, to be honest.

( REPLY )
Joe
August 13th, 2009 - 18:54

Oh, and while I remember, the Saturdays, "Up". Tesco Value Pussycat Dolls singing "I don't want protection" – probably the only time you'll ever hear a musical tribute to barebacking.

( REPLY )
Clara Belle
August 13th, 2009 - 18:59

The sugababes are as subtle as a brick, they have a song called 'Easy' the first verse is a follows
"Engine's running high baby, can you come and check it?
Got such a pretty kitty, boy I know you want to pet it
The weather's nice and wet just south of the border
I can cook up anything that you have to order"

( REPLY )
Andrew Hickey
August 13th, 2009 - 19:28

Paul McCartney & Wings:
I want you to lie on my bed
Get ready for my body gun
I'm gonna do it to ya do ya sweet banana like you never been done
Like a rabbit I'm gonna grab it and do it til the night is done

My favourite though is Bill Haley & The Comets, who back in the 50s used to 'clean up' the lyrics to the blues songs they covered, but didn't actually realise what "I'm like a one-eyed cat peeping in a sea-food store" might refer to in Shake, Rattle & Roll.

( REPLY )
Andrew Hickey
August 13th, 2009 - 19:33

And then there's John Wayne Is Big Leggy by Haysi Fantayzee:

John Wayne in lovers lane – making whoopee with his squaw.
But his bullet belt keeps a-gettin' in the way
It's making his life a bore.
So she says to him – Take off that thing . . .
It's getting right between us.
Now listen honey
I can't do that no even for you
my sweetness.
Now Big John
if that's a fact then how d'you propose we do our act?
If that's the way it's gonna be get the hell out of my tepee.
Now speckled hen
you stop your squawkin'
Big Bad Rooster's doin' the talking.
I know a trick we ought to try
turn right over – you'll know why.
He stands so high
it's enough to make any red skin cry . . .

( REPLY )
Tepid Halibut
August 13th, 2009 - 19:33

OK, so if we're talking about filthy lyrics my fave is from Bull Moose Jackson (tho' written by Leiber and Stoller) "Nosey Joe"

There's a man in town all the women know
He goes by the name of Nosey Joe
He don't care if they're married
He takes his pick
Long as they're women, he's ready to stick

His big nose in their business
His big nose in their business
That's Nosey Joe, the nosiest guy I know

He ain't good lookin' and he ain't big and stong
The guy's got a nose that's four foot long
I'm tellin' you women, this ain't no jive
If you get too close this man will drive

His big nose in your business…(etc)

( REPLY )
Callum
August 13th, 2009 - 19:35

Your honour, might I draw your attention to Mr Fifty Cent?

I believe his hit "Candy Shop" went something like this:

I'll take you to the candy shop/ Boy one taste of what I got/ I'll have you spending all you got/ Keep going 'til you hit the spot (woah)

The first time I heard it I was in a car with my mum, listening to Paul Gambaccini on Radio 2, so as you can imagine I was a bit embarrassed.

( REPLY )
Kit
August 13th, 2009 - 19:53

For songs about reluctant anal sex and enjoying water sports – think Rachel Stevens

"Some girls always get what they wanna wanna
All I seem to get is the other other
This won't last for long, not forever
And the champagne makes it taste so much better better

( REPLY )
The Goldfish
August 13th, 2009 - 20:10

All this car-sex and no Grace Jones?!!

Pull up to my bumper baby,
In your long black limosine,
Pull up to my bumper baby,
And drive it in between.

Pull up to it, dont drive through it,
Back it up twice, now that fits nice.

etc., etc..

The rest of the lyric is no cleaner. Unfortunately, it is actually a decent song and if you don't know it, don't go find it – it will stick in your head and you'll find yourself singing it to yourself on public transport.

( REPLY )
DanielF
August 13th, 2009 - 20:24

Come now, let's look into Nickelback's Dark Horse album for some real filth. With a song called S.E.X, after all, it's hard to think of filthier music; lyrics to that one include the wonderful:

I'm lovin' what you wanna wear
I wonder what's up under there
Wonder if I'll ever have it
Under my tongue

And from the chorus of another song on the same album, this time Something In Your Mouth,

You're so much cooler when you never pull it out,
'cause you look so much cuter with something in your mouth!

( REPLY )
Suave
August 13th, 2009 - 22:53

Can I also point you to Minnie Ripperton's Inside my love.

Not much subtlety here!

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Two people, just meeting, barely touching each other
Two spirits, greeting, tryna carry each further
You are one, and I am another
We should be, one inside each other

You can see inside me, will you come inside me
Do you wanna ride, inside my love
You can see inside me, will you come inside me
Do you wanna ride, inside my love

Two strangers, not strangers
Only lacking the knowing
So willing, feeling
Infinite growing
While we're here, the whole world is turning
We should be, one, fulfilling the yearning

You can see inside me, will you come inside me
Do you wanna ride, inside my love
You can see inside me, will you come inside me
Do you wanna ride, inside my love

( REPLY )
Optimistic Cynic
August 14th, 2009 - 00:15

Little Red Corvette. Again, by Prince:-

Move over baby (move over baby)
Gimme the keys (gimme the keys)
Im gonna try 2 tame your little red love machine
(Im gonna try 2 tame your little red love machine)

Line Up by Elastica (it's about groupies):-

Drivel Head knows all the stars,
Loves to suck their shining guitars,
They've all been right up her stairs,
Do you care?

Drivel Head knows all the bands,
Knows them like the back of her hands.
You can't see the wood for the trees,
On your knees.

There's also a french song by France Gall called "Sucettes" which translates as "Lollipops". The final verse translates as:-

When the barley sugar
Flavored with anise
Flows into the throat of Annie,
She is in heaven.

( REPLY )
Will
August 14th, 2009 - 00:15

Second "pull up to the bumper". Disco was great at singing about (queer) sex in a radio friendly way. "Carwash" always struck me as being a pretty clearly about bukkake (before the term existed: I'm guessing the practice is well established), some other sort of shower, or taking a train at least.

Best though is "Totally addicted to bass" Who would have thought you could praise the slightly moreish, spine tingling, delights of crack and get away with it?

( REPLY )
Anton Vowl
August 14th, 2009 - 00:19

That reminds me. Heaven Must Be Missing An Angel by Tavares: "Your love comes in showers" – golden ones, I'd wager

( REPLY )
backtowardsthelocus
August 14th, 2009 - 00:23

R Kelly's a goldmine – you must have read Sex In The Kitchen? If not; sample brilliance…

"Girl I'm ready to toss your salad…"

( REPLY )
Will
August 14th, 2009 - 00:39

Now, how did we get from golden showers to R Kelly?

( REPLY )
Kid
August 14th, 2009 - 05:53

How's about this double-entendre masterpiece from AC/DC? Sir, I give you the tender ballad, Big Balls…

Well I'm upper upper class high society
God's gift to ballroom notoriety
And I always fill my ballroom
The event is never small
The social pages say I've got
The biggest balls of all

I've got big balls
I've got big balls
They're such big balls
And they're dirty big balls
And he's got big balls
And she's got big balls
(But we've got the biggest balls of them all)

And my balls are always bouncing
My ballroom always full
And everybody cums and cums again
If your name is on the guest list
No one can take you higher
Everybody says I've got
Great balls of fire

I've got big balls
Oh I've got big balls
And they're such big balls
Dirty big balls
And he's got big balls
And she's got big balls
(But we've got the biggest balls of them all)

Some balls are held for charity
And some for fancy dress
But when they're held for pleasure
They're the balls that I like best
My balls are always bouncing
To the left and to the right
It's my belief that my big balls
Should be held every night

We've got big balls
We've got big balls
We've got big balls
Dirty big balls
He's got big balls
She's got big balls
(But we've got the biggest balls of them all)

(We've got big balls)
(We've got big balls)

And I'm just itching to tell you about them
Oh we had such wonderful fun
Seafood cocktail, crabs, crayfish
(But we've got the biggest balls of them all)

( REPLY )
James
August 14th, 2009 - 08:40

Diana Ross' Chain Reaction, anyone?

"You make me tremble when your hand moves lower,
You taste a little then you swallow slower"

'Swallow' was replaced with 'Follow' when Steps covered the track (surprisingly well, I thought). They had no qualms about hands moving lower, however. The filthy sods.

( REPLY )
asw909
August 14th, 2009 - 09:18

Hmm, again an instrumental, but I'd say Add [N] to X's "Metal Fingers In My Body" is pretty filthy (particularly the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZhXJYNWB_ao)

( REPLY )
Lyndon
August 14th, 2009 - 19:38

"Stutter" by Elastica is a lot more explicit than "Line Up", plus it's the only song I can think of about impotence.

No need to whine, boy,
Like a wind-up toy you stutter at my feet,
And it's never the time, boy,
You've had too much wine to stumble up my street.
Well it isn't a problem,
Nothing we can't keep between the sheets,
Tell me you're mine, love,
And I will not wait for other bedtime treats.

Is there something you lack,
When I'm flat on my back,
Is there something that I can do for you?
It's always something you ate,
Or it's something you hate,
Tell me is it the way that I touch you?
Have you found a new mate,
And is she really great,
Is it just that I'm much too much for you?
Oh, oh oh , ouah oh ah

( REPLY )
Jaime
August 14th, 2009 - 20:03

Connie Vannett The Pussy Cat Song:

My pussy cat was scratching out on my back door
Scratched so long poor pussy got sore
Sore pussy..ooohhhh
Sore..pussy ooohhh
Just a friendly little cat

My pussy cat was sittin on the front step
Sat so long poor pussy got wet
Wet pussy…ohhhhh
Sore, wet..pussy
Just a friendly little cat

My pussy cat was playing out on the back lot
Played so long poor pussy got hot
Hot pussy..ohhhh
Sore, wet, hot…pussy..
Just a friendly little cat

My pussy cat was rocking in the rocking chair
Rocked so long he lost his hair
Bald pussy…ohhh
Sore, wet, hot, bald…pussy
Just a friendly little cat

My neighbour and I out at the clothes line
I said to my neighbour won't you look at mine
My pussy..oohhhhhh
Sore, wet, hot, bald pussy
Just a friendly little cat

My neighbour stole my kitty
But I did see
I said to my neighbour set my pussy free
Free pussy
Sore, wet, hot, bad free pussy
Just a friendly little cat
Here kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty.

( REPLY )
Jaime
August 14th, 2009 - 20:14

Also these fantastic compilations on Amazon are worth a look;

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Sugar-My-Bowl-Vintage-1923-1952/dp/B00019FWEY/ref=pd_sim_m_h__1

Worth it for the song titles alone.

( REPLY )
Mitchell Stirling
August 14th, 2009 - 22:30

I will offer Lionel Richie's 'Never Too Much' with it's "Woke up today , looked at your picture just to get me started"

( REPLY )
Callum
August 16th, 2009 - 04:08

I've just heard "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye. An obvious choice it may be but I was still startled by the line

"Stop beating around the bu-u-u-ush!"

And "Turning Japanese" by the Vapors is famously about wanking, isnt it?

"I've got your picture, I've got your picture. I'd like a million of you all round my cell. I want a doctor to take your picture. So I can look at you from inside as well"

( REPLY )
scottish73
August 16th, 2009 - 21:55

What about the opening lines to the James track Laid -

This bed is on fire with passionate love
The neighbors complain about the noises above
But she only comes when she's on top.

Or that cheesey 80's dance track from Paul Lekakis, Boom Boom

hey babe, I'd like to talk to you
How's about coming back to my room
for a little boom boom

You keep coming to me (you keep coming to me)
I can feel your dynamite (I can feel your dynamite)
I know when you move
get in the groove
you're driving me crazy
crazy for you

Cuz everytime you come to me
it's time for us to boom boom
You keep coming close to me
and feel the burning fire

all the time you come to me
it's time for us to boom boom
can't you see the spark in me
and feel my strong desire

Chorus:
boom boom boom
let's go back to my room
so we can do it all night
and you can make me feel right (repeat)

To be or not to be (to be or not to be)
Don't you know I like the fight (don't you know I like the fight)
getting to you (getting to you)
you're driving me crazy
crazy for you

Cuz everytime you come to me
it's time for us to boom boom
You keep coming close to me
and feel the burning fire

all the time you come to me
it's time for us to boom boom
can't you see the spark in me
and feel my strong desire

( REPLY )
Carmen D'Cruz
August 24th, 2009 - 15:59

Who could forget that "Inner Circle" classic:

"Girl I wanna make you sweat
Sweat til you can't sweat no more
And if you cry
I'm gonna push it
Push it-push it some more"

Hmmm… sweaty rape anyone?

( REPLY )

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