Enemies of Reason Poundshop potshots at the media moral maze.

The worst film I’ve never seen

This is a guest post by Nik Johnson. If you like it, perhaps you'd like to go here and read some more stuff by him. If you'd like to submit a guest post to me on some crap you've read in the papers, send me an email to antonvowl at live dot co dot uk and I'll see what I can do. No promises now.

You know which film I haven't seen? Jaws 2. It's rubbish. Haven't seen Casablanca either. It's my favourite film, though. I was ambivalent towards The Mummy Returns when I didn't watch it on ITV2 the other night. Do these sound like the deluded ramblings of an idiot? Good, because I am.

Although not as big an idiot as Daily Mail film critic Christopher Hart, who hasn't bothered watching Antichrist, a new film about all blood, sex and stuff, but still feels he should let the devoted legions of Mail readers know just how disgusting and wrong it is, and it SHOULD BE BANNED.

If I were to see Antichrist, I don't believe for a moment that it would incite me into copycat violent behaviour or make me a danger to others. But it would poison my mind and imagination, with explicit, ferocious scenes of sexual violence that would stay with me for ever.
Isn't that good enough reason to ban it, or at least demand extensive cuts?

Chris, (can I call you Chris? I hope so, cos I am) are you really suggesting this film should be withheld by the state because you're guessing that your mind will be poisoned by sexual images? Remember this is a film that Chris still hasn't seen, and as he says

I haven't seen it myself, nor shall I - and I speak as a broad-minded arts critic, strongly libertarian in tendency.

Broad-minded and libertarian, eh? You definitely wouldn't say such stupid things as

sick, pretentious trash

or

torture porn

or

blatantly amoral, without any sense of justice or retribution whatever.

about a film you haven't fucking seen, would you?

Remember up there, where Chris predicted how the film would affect him? Well, he's even more psychic than that (i.e. can make more shit up.)

As soon as it's released on DVD, Antichrist will harm children anyway, deeply and irrevocably.

It will harm children. See, he's put it in italics, because he's so sure it will happen. Christopher Hart will wake up tomorrow and be an enormous cock-end. Anna Friel will wake up tomorrow in my house. Dammit - it's not foolproof.

You might think that Hart is just pandering to his audience, the "Down with this sort of thing!" "Careful now!" brigade. But no, even the Daily Mail readers have realised what a disingenuous, making-shit-up, reactionary idiot Hart has been. The top rated comments on his article?

How could anyone possibly judge a film that they had not seen?!
This is beyond ridiculous!
People can make thier [sic] own choice as to weather they want to watch it or not.

"I haven't seen it myself..." I stopped reading there.

and

If you haven't seen the film What gives you the right to comment on it???

Still, congratulations to the sub editors on getting three different images of sex scenes into the article, so Hart can offend himself to orgasm. Broad-minded, libertarian orgasm.

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