...and anywhere else are much better if you go by any airline other than Ryanair. Not only are mobile phones to be allowed on their planes ("I'M ON THE FACKING PLANE, INNIT?" all the way to Ibiza. All. The. Way. I know I've said this before, but the point really doesn't need labouring too much. Have you ever been on a train? Sat next to someone babbling away endlessly about stuff you don't care about? Yes? How about a bus? How about a bus where some teenage girl is barking at her mates down the phone to come and meet her, ringing each one and shouting loud enough to crack marble? Been on one of them? Want to have that same experience on a plane, do you?) but normally-publicity-shy Ryanair Big Daddy Michael O'Leary is now
pretending claiming that now you may have to spend a penny TO SPEND A PENNY (lolz, innit?) if you have the epic misfortune to be stuck in one of their fart-filled Coke cans lurching bumpily into one of those airports that actually turns out to be ten billion billion billion miles away from where you really wanted to go and that in fact going by taxi rather than shitty aeroplane may have been better in the long run.
Anyway, Ryanair this week snorted that it didn't have time to give a shit about 'lunatic bloggers', but as such a lunatic blogger myself, I'm a bit annoyed about the shittest airline on planet earth deciding that it isn't interested in lunatic bloggers like me. There may be times when lunatic bloggers such as I may need to fly from our local airport to somewhere in Europe, or maybe even further afield, for a City Break or a short holiday. Naturally, we'll try not to fly Ryanair, given their inherent shitness; but now it seems that lunatic bloggers also have yet another reason to eschew the most fucking dreadful and unpleasant company in the history of civilisation.
I mean, it takes something to make easyJet feel like you're being treated to a luxury ride on your very own chauffeur-driven cloud, but Ryanair manages it. If ever you wanted your holiday to feel worse than regular life, then you know which plane to catch and which routes to go on. Here's an airline that used to (and may still do, for all I know) itemise its charges for people with disabilities, as if it were trying to make everyone without disabilities pissed off at having to pay for the extravagance of treating other human beings as if they're human beings rather than the scum they so clearly are for being cripples and spazzes. But why stop there? Why not itemise how much from each ticket goes to O'Leary's bank account? Why not itemise how much from each flight goes into the pockets of some total arse in their PR department? Why not itemise how much from each flight goes to pointlessly fucking awful publicity campaigns in which O'Leary dresses up in a variety of not-fucking-any-funny-or-entertaining-or-good-in-the-slightest costumes? Here's an idea for the next hilariously brilliant campaign: stick the fucker in a giant lead safe and drop it off the end of a pier. I promise to buy a ticket to somewhere on Ryanair for everyone in my family (I won't go, obviously) if I get to see him drown live on TV. How about that? No?
Anyway, there's been the suggestion that lunatic bloggers shouldn't just sit there and take it, and should get their revenge. I don't know if it'll work, but let's have a crack. If you think Ryanair is a pile of shit, as I do, having had the appalling misfortune to have flown with them in the past, and if you're a lunatic blogger like me, then maybe you might consider writing a lunatic blog post about just how fucking terrible you think they are. Perhaps include important Search Engine Optimisation words in the title of the post, like I have - "Cheap flights to Ireland" and so on.