Jane Horrocks: The voice of the Mysterons
I suppose TV and films have always got it a bit wrong: they've always imagined the voice of totalitarianism and overarching state authority to be booming, scary, RP and male. Even the Mysterons in Captain Scarlett sounded like some toff straight out of Rada projecting to the dress circle.
Whereas of course it wouldn't be like that at all. If you really wanted to indoctrinate people using a voice, you'd use Jane Horrocks - sweet, friendly, Lancastrian, nice. And that's exactly what the Government is doing.
First she turns up on those Learn Direct adverts, each of which is so laughably implausible as to be verging on self-parody. "John was a security guard with no skills or qualifications, and he decided he wanted to be the CEO of a multinational company, so he did a course and then two days later he was!" chirps Horrocks. Is there a single person in the world who actually believes her when she comes out with that shit? No, probably not, but I suppose people accept it a little more when it's coming from nice Jane Horrocks than they would from anyone else.
Then she turns up on my radio. "The DVLA are reasonable people," she purrs. "But if you don't pay your car tax THEN THEY CAN CRUSH YOUR CAR, RAPE YOUR CHILDREN AND BURN DOWN YOUR HOUSE WITH YOU INSIDE IT!" OK, I admit, I exaggerate a little bit there, but it's not a million miles away from the truth, is it?
When there's an announcement on the radio asking Jews to wear yellow stars and trade unionists to put red triangles on, I think you know who'll be making it.
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Hello. I'm a Bristol-based writer and soon-to-be-redundant journalist. You can read more about me and the Enemies site here, or follow me on Twitter. Email me if you like - antonvowl at live dot co dot uk
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February 16th, 2009 - 18:26
Not to mention the pure evil of the Tesco ads which she also lends her voice to. Same goes for Julie Walters – nice brummie accent, motherly tone – and she crops up in ads for Lloyds as well. *sniff* I liked her before she turned to the dark side…
February 17th, 2009 - 20:21
I could bear everything involving Walters until those fucking annoying smoke alarm ads. I know my damn smoke alarms work becuase they trill merrily every time I so much as put a loaf anywhere vaguely in the vicinity of the toaster. And Jane Horrocks blew it for me by doing Who Do You Think You Are where she apparently decided to play a stroppy northerner with a chip on her shoulder. So she could order me to accept a winning lottery ticket and I’d set fire to myself instead. Just to show her.