Enemies of Reason Poundshop potshots at the media moral maze.

Handy copy-and-paste guide to writing BBC scandal for the screamsheets

The BBC faced fresh criticism last night after it emerged that (someone had done something / someone had said something / someone had done nothing / someone had said nothing / someone had neither done nor said anything).

Coming just (hours / days / minutes / seconds) after (the last load of old toss we cooked up about them) it led to (some Tories wanting to scrap the licence fee / someone from Mediawatch getting irate, though they didn't actually understand the story / someone from Christian Voice barking into a telephone) and calls for (whoever we don't like this week) to (resign / be sacked / be baconslicered and then their raw flesh sprinkled with pepper in front of a baying mob of taxpayers / unless its the daughter of a much loved former Prime Minister saying something racist about a mixed-race tennis player, in which case they're entirely misunderstood, they meant well, they merely meant to say that the person in question was full of custard and jam and nice things and got a little confused under intense torture and interrogation by that well-known leftie troublemaker Trotskyite bastard Adrian Chiles).

(Whichever rentaquote gobshite Tory MP we can find to say this bullshit) said: "This will raise new concerns about the role of the state broadcaster in the 21st century. I mean, what were they thinking? This Stalinist bunch of lunatic totalitarian bureaucratic tax-funded hippies should all be burnt alive, and I'll bring the fucking petrol! Oh, you don't want me to go that far...? Well just cobble the usual shit together, you'll be fine. All right then. Bye bye, byeeeeeee!"

Critics have questioned the role of the BBC in doing everything which competes with our commercial interests and therefore affecting our share price this latest affair, prompting questions in Parliament and ten billion billion billion complaints to flood into the BBC from people who didn't actually give a shit about the the thing in the first place, but who suddenly creaked into life in order to say what we want them to so long as it gets their name in print concerned viewers and listeners.

Mother Brenda Madeupnayme, from Nowherethatreallyexists, was one of the billion billion billion who launched petrol bombs at Television Centre in protest at the latest disgraceful behaviour. She said: "My 14-week-old embryo was watching that programme. There was no warning, no nothing. Now I've got to try and explain to it what black people are. What am I supposed to do? My whole life has been ruined and the BBC are to blame. They also give you cancer and make your children go feral. And kill you."

- What do YOU think? Do you think the BBC are a bunch of bastards? (Yes, you do). Why not write your thoughts on the story below and we'll only print them if they agree with what we want you to say?

This is the last time I ever watch the BBC. First Ross and Brand, then that episode of the Tweenies where they spunked over each other's faces and smeared shit into a puppy's eyeball, it's just got to stop!!
Roger Bastard, ENGLAND NOT EU

About time these leftie-liberal scum at the BBC got a good beating. Bring back the Black & White Minstrels but oh no that's not good enough for the PC Brigade is it?!?!?!!? Why am I paying my taxes for this?
Jeremy Bastard, expat, Spain NOT EU!!!!!

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