…and this, ladies and gentlemen…
...is why people make fun of the Guardian.
My mother emailed me last week to tell me she had joined Facebook. We don't chat on the phone; we email. Soon I expect she will want to poke me, write on my wall and, worse still, tag me in photographs of my wedding last May. Well, not if I can help it, mama. I love you too much to expose you to my online self.
You see, she doesn't yet know that I, her 24-year-old daughter, am about to divorce. She can't see my Facebook status, so why would she?
Mummy, how do I tell you I'm a Facebook divorcee? That the son-in-law you try so hard to like cheated on your only daughter using the social networking site you so adore? That your daughter learnt of her imminent divorce via Google Mail's free chatting facility, Gchat?
Prince Harry may know how I feel. Would he even have known that he was single again if Chelsy Davy hadn't flagged it up on Facebook?
For fuck's sake. Kill yourself now. Do it now. Don't wait, just die now. Somehow - and it's almost a hat-tip to you - you've made Liz Jones look witty and self-deprecating in comparison.
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Hello. I'm a Bristol-based writer and soon-to-be-redundant journalist. You can read more about me and the Enemies site here, or follow me on Twitter. Email me if you like - antonvowl at live dot co dot uk
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February 1st, 2009 - 20:28
Yes I saw that and hoped it was on CIF. Yes, come back Liz Jones all is forgiven.
If it had been in Heat mag it would’ve been risible.
Standards…..
February 2nd, 2009 - 13:04
Hahahaha! It’s not even called ‘Gchat’, it’s called Google Talk. The numpty.
She does seem to be a contender for the new Liz Jones, doesn’t she? No judgement and dubious levels of self-respect.
February 3rd, 2009 - 03:05
Foolishly, I thought this was one of those humor columns which would end with “And then I woke up” or something trite. I wish it had been. That article is so poorly written I can’t even tell what happened to the lady, nor did I ever figure out why she didn’t tell her own mother that her husband was in another country. Unless the reason is “because she’s stupid”, then I guess I did figure it out.