I'm fairly ambivalent about the jolly old pound. On the one hand, it's the currency that I grew up with, my jammy little hands wedged full of Florins and, occasionally, enormously chunky 50p pieces, as I waddled down to the corner shop to buy a bag of Monster Munch (9 and a half New Pence, as I recall) and a Choc Dip. The joy of a crisp £1 note with Newton on the back! The excitement of wondering what the bloke was saying to
Nelson Wellington (sharpen up Vowl, for fuck's sake) on the back of the fiver! Mind you, modern £20 notes have got that bloated old German sow on one side and Adam Fucking Smith on the other, so why should I give a tuppeny toss, to coin a phrase, about them? Why not have euros instead? It'd make it easier to go on holiday. No losing the will in the Post Office while you queue up behind 55 wrinkly crones muttering about immigration. None of that shit - just take your own cash abroad.
My own lachrymose memories of being in an ambulance on the way to A&E after having swallowed a handful of 1p coins don't really matter, do they. I find it hard to rouse much enthusiasm for a currency. At least in other countries they have exciting flora and fauna to stir the blood - jaguars, hummingbirds, that sort of thing. Wouldn't it be nicer to have pictures of blue tits, badgers, otters or great crested newts on our notes and coins? Long gone is the wren-emblazoned farthing, sad to say; wouldn't that be more lovely? It would make me more cheerful than a picture of that parasitic crown-clad bitch staring dead-eyed into the distance like a crack-addled stripper in a sleazy Rotherham titty bar.
I may not care very much whether I pay for things in pounds or euros, but I get the impression that quite a lot of other people do. And it seems to be part of a new narrative to weaken NuLab, and in particular (the startlingly effective since his return to Government) Peter Mandelson, is to link the pipe-and-slippers Rottweiler of politics with teh evilz of the European project.
Some do it in a subtle, understated way. Others are the Daily Express, which today tells us of:
A SECRET SQUAD who are preparing us to join the euro...! Aaargh! What kind of evil is this? Do they have evidence? Well no, obviously not, it's secret. But Mandy's in there, in this squad, which is secret.
Today's effort was nothing compared to the genius of Thursday's splash:
Look at the fear being ratcheted up there! A brown bastard with a beard, and the bloody euro right next to him! Hell/handcart! Just imagine it - not having the pound, and having euros instead - imagine it! Hmm... doesn't sound terrible actually. But maybe I'm in the minority on this one.