The other day I had trouble choosing between Russell Brand and the Daily Mail. It was tough, but I decided, shithouse that he is, to lean towards the comedy-vacuum faux-Dickensian wankstain that is Brand.
The brouhaha over this issue, which has erupted like a bowl of festering dogturds in a microwave, has just disheartened me even more, because I'm feeling ever more sympathy for the no-talent cunty wunt, a man who has form for being a poor man's Jeremy Beadle with an equally laughless 'prank' phone call. Yes, Ross and Brand acted like a couple of spotty teenage virgins after their first ever can of Special Brew; yes, they're thunderously unpleasant individuals, and in Ross's case, litigiously unpleasant; yes, they shouldn't have done what they did; and yes, someone should have realised that broadcasting what they did was pretty fucking pathetic, and stopped it right there and then.
But, for fuck's sake, it's just a couple of blokes on a radio show. A couple of overpaid tosswipes getting adolescent giggles thanks to Team Taxpayer, I grant you, but that doesn't mean it's the crime of the century. They've offended someone, and their employers will take appropriate action. It should have happened without a media storm; it is to the BBC's shame that it took the fucking Daily Mail, of all people, to point it out.
The Mail's agenda is simple: Brand and Ross work for the BBC. The BBC is evil because it
threatens profits at the Daily Mail with regional news services, websites and broadcasting is a haven for leftie troublemakers. Brand himself has mentioned the Mail's support for fascism in the 1930s, and the fact that the current owner's dad, Lord Rothermere the first, wrote to "My Dear Fuehrer". So therefore: get the back-combed cunt with everything we've got.
It's got to the stage where Gordon Brown, a man regularly despised and pilloried by the Mail, becomes the arbiter of righteousness, so long as he's backing up what they're saying:
Ordinarily, the Mail's ire at this time of year is reserved for BBC newsreaders who dare not to wear poppies. And it's worth remembering that, had this Brand-Ross business never happened, they would be finding some way of launching an attack on Auntie in some form or other. It just so happened that Ross and Brand's shitness landed it right in their laps, for once.
But can we please have a teensy-weensy bit of perspective on this? The world economy is going down the toilet. The US are launching lethal attacks on Pakistan and Syria. Can we have a little bit of that in our newspapers, rather than 'Manuelgate'? Is that too much to ask?