Yesterday the Independent and Express morphed into each other. Today the entire press turned into one globulous mass of crud. They'd all been given the heads-up on the £50billion rescue plan for banks, and used astonishing creativity and skills to put the story across in an exciting and intriguing way:
Well OK, but that's the stuffy Times. Other papers will make it more exciting, won't they...?
Ah. Well but that's just the rubbish Metro. The quality press will make a better fist of it, won't they...?
Ah. But surely our friends at the Independent will have managed to steer away from the herd, and will have put a fresh perspective on the news for their readers?
Ooh, the red ink's out! Oh noes! Scary! You just know there's a big pot of red ink in a case in Roger Alton's office with a 'break glass in case of REALLY GOOD STORY' sign on the front. But that's just the silly Independent... they'll be a world away from the skilful frontpagery of the Express, won't they...?
That'll be a no, then. I was at least expecting a cheeky "AND THE MUSLIMS WILL GET ALL OF IT!" but no, quite restrained for the Express for once. Thank goodness for the Mail, who have kept a calm and distanced approach to the story, thinking it through and coming to a rational and reasoned conclusion:
Ha ha! I bet you could scare the shit out of Paul Dacre by coming round to his house on Halloween dressed as the Public Sector. Wooooohooooooooooooo! The bogeyman, eeek! The evil Stalinist State is out to crush hard-working middle-class families! Aaargh! As has been pointed out before, the Mail is really struggling in the current crisis: usually they like frightening their readers with stories of how it's all going to go wrong and we're all doomed; now that we actually are all doomed and it is all going wrong, they're at a bit of a loss.
And then there's the Star: