Holy shit, we’re fucked
That $700billion made a world of difference, didn't it? Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck! We're doomed! Is it time to panic yet...? Panic, yes? Yes, panic. Aaaaaaaaaaaargh! Jesus Christ! Fucking hell, we're all gonna die! Aaaaaaaargh! Where did it all go wrong? Tangerine in a sock for Christmas then, if we're lucky, if we've still got a house, or a job, or anything - just a sleeping bag will do for now. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit! Wuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurgh!
Would the markets kindly stop lurching around like the bridge of the Starship Enterprise, and fucking do what they're supposed to? I thought the less you regulated these things, the easier it was for 'The Market' to 'correct itself'? Where's the fucking invisible hand when you need one?
Justin has sensible advice for real incentivisation:
Anyway, I think I have the answer. Today at noon, the Prime Minister should announce that this morning he sent teams of mobile car crushers into London’s Square Mile. Simultaneously, he should say, he dispatched Army artillery teams into the Home Counties broker belt.
If the FTSE share index is not up by 200 points at 1pm, he will promise, five upmarket cars will be chosen at random from underground car parks in the City and fed into the mobile car crushers. At the same time, the artillery teams will reduce five randomly chosen houses in the broker belt to rubble.
Pour petrol over the Hampton Court Flower Show tickets. Threaten to take the kids out of boarding school and make them live with their parents. Shit, something, anything - make these fuckers do their jobs properly!
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Hello. I'm a Bristol-based writer and soon-to-be-redundant journalist. You can read more about me and the Enemies site here, or follow me on Twitter. Email me if you like - antonvowl at live dot co dot uk
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October 6th, 2008 - 19:44
Yes! Great idea! We should also take this tack with teachers. And bin men! And bus drivers….if the bus is late, one of you will have his hand cut off!
Or, we could move away from the idea of a pseudo-fascist state punishing people at random for the failings of many and try something less histrionic. Just a thought.
October 6th, 2008 - 22:24
Get a fucking sense of humour you tiresome cuntwad.
October 7th, 2008 - 10:50
I never saw teachers, bin men, or bus drivers style themselves the ‘masters of the universe’, award themselves millions of pounds in salaries, even in failure, and undemocratically dictate economic policy to the government.
October 8th, 2008 - 17:22
Yes, Kryptikmo, let’s move away from pseudo-fascism. I notice one of your favourite books is Starship Troopers, by the way.