That $700billion made a world of difference, didn't it? Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck! We're doomed! Is it time to panic yet...? Panic, yes? Yes, panic. Aaaaaaaaaaaargh! Jesus Christ! Fucking hell, we're all gonna die! Aaaaaaaargh! Where did it all go wrong? Tangerine in a sock for Christmas then, if we're lucky, if we've still got a house, or a job, or anything - just a sleeping bag will do for now. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit! Wuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurgh!
Would the markets kindly stop lurching around like the bridge of the Starship Enterprise, and fucking do what they're supposed to? I thought the less you regulated these things, the easier it was for 'The Market' to 'correct itself'? Where's the fucking invisible hand when you need one?
Justin has sensible advice for real incentivisation:
Anyway, I think I have the answer. Today at noon, the Prime Minister should announce that this morning he sent teams of mobile car crushers into London’s Square Mile. Simultaneously, he should say, he dispatched Army artillery teams into the Home Counties broker belt.
If the FTSE share index is not up by 200 points at 1pm, he will promise, five upmarket cars will be chosen at random from underground car parks in the City and fed into the mobile car crushers. At the same time, the artillery teams will reduce five randomly chosen houses in the broker belt to rubble.
Pour petrol over the Hampton Court Flower Show tickets. Threaten to take the kids out of boarding school and make them live with their parents. Shit, something, anything - make these fuckers do their jobs properly!