Thank goodness for some proper investigative journalism. At last, a national newspaper has gone out on a limb to expose a shocking crime that is taking place right here, right now, which threatens the very fabric of our society and the future of our children's children.
For Britain is being attacked by men in camel-hair coats with pencil moustaches. These suspects often lurk around public houses in the evening where they assail gentlemen with offers of contraband wares. Alternatively the miscreants may be found in alleyways smoking a Strand cigarette, doffing their Homberg hats and whispering: "Psst! Hey friend, fancy some Nylons for the missus?"
These shameless malfaisants should not be approached by decent members of society, for they offer goods from the Black Market - Turkish snouts, American chocolate, timepieces - for only 'a couple of bob to you, sir'. They are often to be seen making their way around air-raid shelters, particularly the London Underground when Hitler sends over his Doodlebugs, making shady deals and offering cut-price goods of dubious provenance. If spotted, inform a constable immediately.
Yes, the Express is right up to date:
Who the fuck still buys this shit?
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