Enemies of Reason Poundshop potshots at the media moral maze.

Yes! It’s the Littlejohn drinking game

The chances are it's going to be a fairly rancid weekend again - as I look out of the window here, the clouds are rolling in, the rain is tumbling down and the sky has gone so dark that it feels like about 9pm already. So how do you make those hours fly by before you have to go back to the grindstone?

Try this: It's the Enemies of Reason play-along-at-home Littlejohn Drinking Game!

All you will need is a spare few minutes, a copy of the Daily Mail (if you really can't bring yourself to hand over 50p to the bastards, tear out Littlejohn's page from the copy in your local library, or look at it on the internet) and a bottle of strong liquor. Rootling around in my own cabinet of delights, I've found the following suggestions, though your preference of course may differ from mine:

1 x litre bottle of apricot Hungarian palinka
1 x small miniature of red absinthe
4 x cans of indeterminate own-brand lager-style drink
1 x bottle of "less than £4.99" white wine
1 x case of Newky Brown

Line up the drinks and begin reading Littlejohn's hilarious better-than-Swift wry observations on politics, life and poovery. The following rules apply:

Littlejohn mentions polar bears - TAKE A DRINK
Appallingly unfunny phonetic spelling, eg baybee, yuman rites, elf'n'safety, or the latest dreadful effort Izza-ra-ay-lees (sic) - TAKE A DRINK
Richard sets up pathetic strawman claiming 'Left' have said something that no-one in their right mind would ever think - TAKE A DRINK
Our hero writes something that implies he actually lives in Britain as opposed to in a gated mansion in Florida - TAKE A DRINK
A mention of 'poovery' or implication that 'gays' get better treatment than 'ordinary' people - TAKE A DRINK
Dad's Army reference of any kind - TAKE A DRINK
Dad's Army reference in relation to Gordon Brown or current government - TAKE A DRINK
Mention of US elections that reveals where he really lives - TWO DRINKS
Reference to Gary Glitter - TWO DRINKS
Saying 'you couldn't make it up' - TWO DRINKS
Saying 'you couldn't make it up' about something which has, as it turns out, been made up - THREE DRINKS
Blaming PC Brigade/lefty do-gooders/liberals/the BBC for an act of tolerance or compassion which is actually the most evil thing in the world ever - THREE DRINKS
Reference to rich politicians being out of touch, coming from multi-millionaire who doesn't even live in the country - FOUR DRINKS
Something about immigrants being bad, except of course in the case of British immigrants to Florida - FIVE DRINKS
For every sycophantic comment on the internet version - ONE DRINK
For every sycophantic comment on the internet version imploring Littlejohn to stand for Prime Minister or MP - TWO DRINKS
For every sycophantic comment on the internet version imploring Littlejohn to stand for Prime Minister or MP written by readers also based in the US - THREE DRINKS
Unfunny cartoon by 'Gary' - FIFTEEN DRINKS, SMASH SELF OVER HEAD WITH EMPTY BOTTLE AT POINTLESSNESS OF IT ALL

There, that should keep everyone happy. Happy drinking!

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