I thought that I'd seen the world's worst writer ever when I saw Jack Teague's execrable 'blog' on the Express website. But no. There is worse. Hand back that crown of cack, Mr Teague. You've been pwn3d in the shit writing stakes.
It's the Mirror's Polly Hudson on knife crime! And her 'Opinions about stuff... literally!' make me, literally, feel queasy.
I'm not exactly up on current affairs. I never watch the news because it's far too depressing and the clothes are awful.
Instead, I'm guessing like loads of you, I've immersed myself in celebrity news and gossip. I don't even remember making a conscious decision, it just happened.
I'd struggle to name three members of the cabinet, but I can give you full details of every man Jennifer Lopez has ever gone out with, including ages and occupations, in chronological order. My parents are super proud.
Read the rest - if you can stomach it.
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