Knives are dangerous.
That's the shock revelation from grinning police buffoon "Sir" Ian Blair and Gordon Brown's government in an enormous waste of public money.
In other newsflashes:
Sticking your nuts in the blender said to be "quite a bad thing to do", say experts.
Hitting yourself in the face repeatedly with an iron frying pan "may cause some pain", according to scientists.
Jumping out of a tenth-floor window onto a giant steel spike "could lead to mild injuries", says a new report.
The grinning fool also says there's an easy way to stop knife crime: parents should just have a chat with their kids and tell them knives are bad, mmkay.
How does that happen then?
Dad: Son, there's something I've been meaning to chat with you about.
Son: Look dad, if it's about sex, I've been fucking girls left, right and centre since I was nine and a half. I've got the clap, the pox and a couple of sprogs already.
Dad: No son, it's about knives. They're quite bad things, actually. You can hurt yourself with one.
Son: Oh, is that why they're sharp? Well I certainly won't be taking one out with me when I'm next twoccing a car or mugging an old dear.
Dad: Good for you son. That's the right thing to do. Mind how you go now.
It's conveniently simplistic - but utterly false - to try and imagine that violent crimes merely happen because some children become 'feral'. It's never spoken, but the implication is that these are kids on estates, you know, poor people, and therefore there's no responsibility towards anyone other than people on benefits. A highly convenient narrative for certain sections of society, but total bullshit.
It's much harder to try and look at the real reasons for violence. Do we live in a violent culture? Where do young people get the messages about violence from? From their parents and their peers? Forty years ago, for example, domestic violence was not exactly tolerated, but had a blind eye turned in its direction. Has it really gone away in that short space of time?
What about other messages about socialising and living together? Who tells children that only the strong survive? Who says there's no point in sharing and co-operating, but that people must be selfish if they want to succeed? Where do those messages come from? Does it make a difference if taxes are repeatedly lowered for the rich and the selfish, while the poor struggle along and collectivism has been destroyed by 25 years of anti-union legislation?
And what about messages about violence and its righteousness? Does it make a difference if children see their governments and elected leaders going to war again and again and again, despite our 'enemies' not posing any real threat to us whatsoever? What message does launching a pre-emptive war against hopelessly outnumbered opponents, with vastly superior weaponry, send out? Does that have anything to do with an individual thinking it makes sense to strike out in fear against a stranger, knowing if you carry a knife you have an advantage?
What about our police? When they shoot an innocent odd-job-man on the tube in London six times in the head, with no warning in a completely unprovoked attack, just because that man happened to be a slightly darker shade than pale pink caucasian, and not only face no charges whatsoever but are defended to the hilt, what message does that send out? That strength and pre-emptive violence is necessary? That sometimes you have to be aggressive if you're afraid? That it's the man with the weapon who survives, and the unarmed man who doesn't?
And who was it, of course, who defended those officers for slaughtering an innocent civilian for no reason whatsoever? Yes, the grinning bastard Sir Ian Blair. Not that he'd ever try and connect police violence, and the message it sends out, with violence from citizens.
Of course knives are dangerous. People who carry knives carry them *because* they're dangerous. Simply imagining that young people haven't quite grasped that is breathtakingly dumb.
But then that's much more convenient than looking at the real causes of violence and aggression - causes that possibly end up a little closer to home than simply blaming teenagers, blaming the young, blaming the poor as ever. Of course nothing justifies an act of violence - having been on the receiving end a few times, I'm here to tell you it's not pleasant at all. But maybe there are slightly more complex reasons than Gordon Brown and Sir Ian Blair would like us to think about.