Earlier on, I worried about what effect the Kate 'n' Gerry v Richard Desmond case might have on the press. Well, maybe the answer could well be 'bugger all'. In the Co-op at lunchtime - I have a thrilling life, honest - I noticed that the Express stablemate, the Star, had taken the decision on board and had a front page of solemnity and dignity... no, not really of course, it was pointing the finger at Karen Matthews. How desperately predictable. Will she be picking up the phone to Carter-Ruck for a bit of no-win-no-fee action this afternoon, spurred on by the shining example of K&G? I should cocoa. Who wants to stick up for Karen Matthews? Who wants to take on her case when there are Hollywood celebrities queueing up for a bit of libel tourism? Where's the prestige? Where's the glamour? Besides, it would mean leaving London and having to talk to poor people. Ugh.
Maybe I'm wrong. Like I said earlier, I hope I'm wrong. Maybe New Labour's brave new era of no-win-no-fee really is empowering everyone. Yet while I can find numerous examples of legal action - or the threat of legal action - forcing newspapers into humiliating climbdowns over celebrities' lifestyles (Jonathan Ross complaining, via Schillings, that it's hurtful to say he earns an awful lot of money, just months after braying publicly that he was worth so many multiples of BBC journalists - and getting a retraction) I can't say the same for ordinary folk whose lives have been ruined taking on the press and succeeding. But perhaps the examples are there if I look hard enough. I might do some more digging later.
However, while libel is there to protect the likes of Kate 'n' Gerry from the guttersnipes (and make a lot of lawyers spectacularly rich), there's no such protection for a sustained campaign of negative press towards a minority group - for example, British Muslims. If you feel specifically targeted, maybe someone can help you. If you feel targeted as part of a concerted effort against a particular group, who protects you then? The PCC? Don't make me laugh - that's like trying to complain about Tesco to a regulatory body run by Tesco, Asda and Sainsbury's.
The Mail took great delight in exploring the details of the Express's discomfort today after the climbdown. So let's see what life is like on their high horse. Oh look, a negative story about Muslims - who'd've thought it?
Sleepy Cornish village kept awake by 700-strong party of Muslims broadcasting 5am call to prayer by loudspeaker
You can sense the foaming hatred rising already. Was the entire village kept awake? How loud was this loudspeaker? Can you guess... of course you can.
Residents living in a sleepy Cornish village say they face a rude awakening every day because hundreds of Muslims are using a loudspeaker system to broadcast the call to prayer.
All residents? Or just some? Can you guess...?
A large group of Iranian Muslims have gathered to celebrate the Persian New Year at the Trevelgue Holiday Park in Porth.
Putting money into the local economy? How dare those brown folk do it!
Every day at sunrise, noon and sunset the group use a loudspeaker system to broadcast their prayers - known as Adhan.
OK, the call to prayer might not be to everyone's taste, but unless it's too loud, what's the problem? The loudness is key...
Neighbour Emma Brewer, 35, said "the novelty soon wore off" after the group arrived at the camp last weekend.
She said: "It lasts about 20 to 30 minutes and it is rather loud. I'm a bit naffed off by it, to be honest.
'Rather' loud? Oh no!
Another resident added: "We are going to have to put up with this all week. It's going off in the morning, at 5am.
Imagine that, a whole week of hundreds of people being on holiday. Of course, white British holidaymakers are known for their decorum and good manners, aren't they...
But Mike Finnegan, park manager, said prayers were sounded at a lower volume in the morning to avoid upsetting the neighbours.
He said: "We actually did a sound check with environmental health to make sure it was OK.
"They are lovely family people and they have invited me and my staff to join in their celebrations."
There's the 'balance'! Loads of paragraphs in and finally we learn that officials have made sure the sound levels are OK and that, quite frankly, all those complaining are whining nimby tossers. Well I added the last bit myself.
A district councillor for Porth says more than 700 Muslims are staying at the park - but denied the call-to-prayers was a noise nuisance.
Balance! Balance! Anti-Muslim stuff in the headline, intro and first few pars, but then shovel this on later... that's balance isn't it? Well it is if you're the PCC...
He said: "I haven't heard anything - only a very few people seem to be annoyed. It really isn't a problem. We get thousands of youngsters here every year when GCSEs finish and they make more noise.
'Only a few' says an official source, and 'it really isn't a problem'.
"It's only a call to prayer and better than the 'thump thump thump' we get from teenage parties. I did have a couple of complaints from concerned residents who were worried about the potential noise."I contacted the appropriate people at the council who arranged for a sound test to be conducted on the Friday, the day before the group were due to arrive.
"Environmental health officials and the park owner agreed a sound level and there has been no problem since then. I have received no more complaints since.
"I've got to say that this is one of the quieter events. To think that there are 700 people there is amazing. I walk my dog nearby and haven't heard a sound."
Councillor Harry Heywood is my hero of the week! Completely wrecking the entire story. Not that that stopped the Mail, obviously. There's anti-Muslim stuff to brew away, still...
But one resident, from nearby St Columb Minor, says he was offended because he could hear the chanting as he made his way back from church.
He said: "Why was this broadcast at such a high level of volume so as to be heard miles away?
"Do the Christian church bells ring out in amplified volumes on Fridays in areas where they are at prayer? I feel that this was totally unnecessary especially on such an important day in our Christian calendar."
The Fridays thing is just the rantings of a nutter. But that's all right if you're the Mail! Muslims are making me feel funny after being at church!
But other residents are more sympathetic and say the daily alarm calls is "lovely".
One said: "I loved it, I was hanging out of the window trying to hear.
It's such a unique sound that reminds me of travelling and I'd much rather hear it than church bells."
More 'balance'. At the end of the story, long after most Mailites have stopped reading and prepared for an onslaught on Muslims and the 'erosion of our tradition' in the comments... none yet, but I'm sure the deluge of shite is on its way as we speak.
So there we are. There's the Mail's high horse for you. That's their lofty perch from which they can snipe at the Express. Yet more anti-Muslim crap, served up to stir up the usual rabid commenting nutcases and create a totally false impression of people being upset, whereas it actually appears to be the vast minority. Which is odd, because usually minorities don't get much of a look-in if you're the Mail.