Enemies of Reason Poundshop potshots at the media moral maze.

Climate change? Pah. It can’t be true because… er… *updated*

Two stories on the Hate website today pick up on the theme of climate change. As I've said before in 'There was weather!!!' and 'There was weather!!! 2', the Mail loves talking about the weather. And what was on TV last night. It's like that annoying know-it-all in the office who tries to engage you in conversation over the coffee machine about mindless trivia - usually the kind of person who wears a comedy Simpsons tie and is 'the life and soul' at the Christmas party. If the Mail was a person, I'd say that'd be them. The Express would be similar, I think, except maybe with a cellar full of Nazi memorabilia. But anyway.

First, there was weather! A storm happening in a cold country. It's the sort of thing Middle England loves droning on about, so needless to say the Mail's in a frenzy today.

But woe betide you if you think climate change has anything to do with weather. (Not that anyone has in this instance, but that's beside the point). The Mail commenters will get you with their insightful climatological knowledge...

The fact that there have been 30 similar storms since 1821 blows any claim that this is caused by Global Warming (sorry, it's climate change now, isn't it. The name having been changed when it transpired that the planet isn't actually getting any warmer; a rather "inconvenient truth" to quote an established scaremonger) out of the window (yes, I know that claim isn't made here, but it's only a matter of time!).

But... no-one said this storm was anything to do with climate change. Yet the fact that storms happen isn't proof against it, either.

Brown will blame it on global warming and tell Darling to increase all taxes.

Yes. Yes he will.

Something else for this government to tax - oh, happy days.

Yes. Yes that's right. They're going to tax weather.

Like "Global Warming" - it's all "HOT AIR"!

No, cold.

So, when there's a story about weather as opposed to climate, we still get Mailites jumping on the 'climate change isn't true, it's all a big scam by Jock McJudas to tax our weather!'.

Another story now, about 'climate change migrants'. You couldn't cook up something to offend Mailites more. Immigrants = evil, coming over here because of climate change = untrue, it's just sunspots according to some old beardy idiot whom I believe more than hundreds of peer-reviewed evidence-based scientific studies.

Britain should brace itself for a new wave of mass migration caused by global warming, a report warns today.

Now more 'mass migration'! And they'll all come here and strangle us and put up Mosques and destroy white people!

A landmark document by two senior European Union officials says climate change will drive millions of "environmental migrants" towards the EU.

Could happen, if Africa's deserts spread and crops failed. But 'millions'? Blimey, that is a lot. Funnily enough though this report comes from the EU, hardly the most trusted institution according to the Mail - except when they come up with something to suit their agenda.

It says millions of people in poorer countries will be displaced by the consequences of global warming - famines, rising sea levels, loss of arable land and fresh water, and dangerous weather conditions.

Why it's almost as if the EU are maintaining that climate change is actually happening! How dare they...

A combination of farmland being turned to desert, shrinking coastlines and harder to obtain fresh water will result in a "vicious circle of degradation" with "migration and conflicts over territory" threatening global stability, the document adds.
"The multinational system is at risk if the international community fails to address the threats. Climate change impacts will fuel the politics of resentment between those most responsible for climate change and those most affected by it," the report says.

It also mentions a potential conflict between Russia and Norway over North Pole resources. Could get very messy. Yet despite this end-timeism, gloom and fear, not a single comment has appeared on the story so far. Are the Mailites too confused - should they condemn climate change, but aaargh I can't because this story's about immigrants, and I want to condemn them but arrrgh, I can't because that would mean accepting climate change as reality... too tricky, perhaps.

Why not try something along the lines of "It's just another NuLab excuse to let everyone in through our open border, but climate isn't really changing, it was cold in December - explain that!"

It's not there yet, but it will be soon, I'm sure...

*update* and here we go, almost perfect:

Within a decade "there will be millions of environmental migrants," Well no change there then, over the last decade we have seen millions of economic migrants to this little island courtesy of the EU and its open borders policy,
And as far as "global warming" goes, be careful what you wish for, if it was not for "global warming" we would still be living in an ice age under a half mile of ice here in the UK.

- C Bennett, Swansea, Wales

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Related posts:

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2. A climate of grumpiness
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5. Cold? In winter, you say…?