It's not often I feel sorry for Richard and Judy. He's a thin-lipped cream bun of a man, self-appointed expert on everything in the world; she is a terribly emotional woman, as fragile-looking as a bird's nest made of glass, so wispy and floaty-light you almost feel she might blow away in a slight breeze - and for years they've been trolling out the same old tat on telly, be it on This Morning or their own soon-to-be-axed Channel 4 sofa show. They've reported cod non-science nonsense as if it's intriguing fact; they've given airtime for tedious New Labour and Tory politicians to spin out utter balls, and haven't had the skills to challenge their airy promises; they've employed that vile turd Nick Ferrari, a poor man's Jon Gaunt/Richrd Littlejohn, but without the charm and charisma. How on earth could I manage to salvage a little pity in my soul for them?
Well, it's the Express, you see. Sure, they write for it, but I imagine they're tied to a contract- it's not as if they could walk away from their weekly column, even if they were horrified by the anti-Muslim, anti-immigration nonsense pedalled by the crummy little comic that was once a respectable and respected newspaper; they'd have to sit there and tough it out. I might not like Richard and Judy's light-as-a-feather schtick but that doesn't mean I should wish the Express on anyone. I just can't bring myself to do that.
And while the Mail protects its inane columnists - your Littlejohns, your Phillipses, your Pearsons - from the wrath of the general public, some of whom might actually disagree with the prejudiced wankery they splutter out on a weekly (or bi-weekly in Littlecock's case) basis, such that the comments boards look like a fans' convention ("Oh Richard you are so wise! You should run for office" "Oh Melanie! You are the one voice of reason in an otherwise evil world full of bad people" "Oh Alison! You are so bright and so lovely"), the Express seems to have left R&J at the mercy of their readers. And, well, anyone who knows the internet knows it's full of a sad tranche of nuttiness wherever you go; but that with the Express website, that slice is a little bit thicker and a little bit nastier than anywhere else.
Why, if I didn't know any better, I'd almost have thought the Express was exposing its star columnists to a weekly onslaught of bile and bitchiness from the Expressites on purpose, but surely not. I'm sure it's merely in the interests of good healthy debate that R&J get utterly flamed every week, even when they're making points that Express readers would surely agree with in the main. Or maybe the couple, previously journalists themselves, have demanded that all comments be left open and unmoderated in the interests of Web 2.0 freedom of access - unlike those other columnists who hide behind the mods and stop the sewage getting through. Who knows?
This week, Judy says that Amy Winehouse has 'a wonderful look'. Perhaps not everyone's cup of tea, but surely Expressites have to agree that Winehouse is a British success story, a good Jewish girl who's risen to the top of the business, a stunningly talented singer-songwriter who's made progress in America, unlike so many other Brits.
When will we see you dressed like this then? The woman is a mess. I suppose you think your being trendy and popular by saying what you do. Come off it.
now we read she stubbed her cigerette out on her face, hence the swelling!!
that beehive is just an excuse to hide her next fix in. i bet its crawling with lice.
and kate moss is no better, shes earning more money than ever since she was exposed as cocaine kate!!
when does she see her daughter?
another bad example to young women ,who look up to them.
like the secret pockets in her dresses for stashing weed and coke...
also the belt is credit card thickness great for chopping coke in the bogs.
then there is the velcro side fastners ....which stops the ambulance men from cutting your new garment when they rip your dress off to electicute your heart back into mode.
fantastic buy for modern day women.
even the dye used for the dresses is specially scented to confuse the sniffer dogs..
her garments will fly off the shelves
God, it's a wannabe Littlejohn. Ha bloody ha.
And the news today shows that the United Nations also think that bigging up drugged fueled smack heads is a bad idea. Stateing that treating celeb drug users in a glorified manner and giving them special treatment encourages young impressionable kids to copy them.
So Judy, if you don't take notice of the little people who comment on the views printed in your column, maybe you will take notice of the United Nations.
Yeah Judy, take heed of the United Nations! If not the Express commenters. Well, it'd be a tough choice as to who has the more credibility...
a wonderful look my ar..
would you want your daughter to portray amy!!
shes a smack head etc,
i used to like amy but im fed up with her now,
shes a selfish person who only thinks of herself, and her mum and dad are going through hell!!
A 'smack head etc' - beautiful turn of phrase there.
You are being patronising Judy.
No-one could accuse Amy of having style,her tattoos look repulsive,she's a diabolical scruff and looks like a good scrub wouldn't go amiss.
Her finger nails are filthy and despite earning loadsa dosh wears cheap,dirty ballet pumps.
Every time I see her I want to go and run her a bath.
Blimey, there's some angry people in the world, isn't there? And I thought I was a bit of a ranter.
Judy, you really are a silly, silly woman aren't you? Amy Winehouse is a smack head and for anyone to support her as being a role model in what ever shape or form be it for her style in clothes or hair dos'..........is just encouraging young kids to emulate her and her lifestyle. What planet do you live on Judy? It certainly isn't planet real life is it. Amy has a massive talent and chooses to throw it away in a very public display of addiction. But she is media chic isn't she. Good Grief!"!!
Christ, it's as if anything Judy says is wrong. What on earth is wrong with saying Winehouse has a good style? She's not encouraging kids to go out and inject themselves with heroin, is she?
Richard, meanwhile, tries to navigate onto safer territory with a diatribe against Levi Bellfield - surely attacking a serial sex murderer is on safer ground? But it cuts no ice with the Expressites:
i think its time to go richard and judy, you have had your time, step aside , the public have had enough of you both!!
go and write your books, in cornwall!!
or wherever the fancy takes you both!!
try the moon with the clangers!!
Yeah, go and write your books, in Cornwall! Eh! What an insult!
And another personal attack:
As for Richardt the other night, ' Eff' ing' and Blinding' on one of the later evening shows, I suppose he thought he was being 'popular' and trying to show himself as a 'normal' guy, DIDN'T WORK RICHARD! You let yourself down badly.
Shame, I always like watching your show.
If that's someone who likes their show, I dread to think what someone who didn't would say. Ouch.
Poor Richard and Judy. I'm sure the sympathy will go, but for now, I feel a bit sorry for the poor lambs.
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Hello. I'm a Bristol-based writer and soon-to-be-redundant journalist. You can read more about me and the Enemies site here, or follow me on Twitter. Email me if you like - antonvowl at live dot co dot uk
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