Enemies of Reason Poundshop potshots at the media moral maze.

Face of a monster

Here is a picture of the man who has made Kate and Gerry McCann's life a misery. The man who has ruined their lives. The man who means they will never be able to live a normal life again.

Yet more Maddieballs just to keep everything going, then. As you'd expect given its obsession with paedophilia, the News of the Screws is at the heart of it, driving the campaign.

A British woman who came face to face with the suspected Maddie McCann kidnapper revealed last night: "He made my blood run cold and gave me the creeps."

Bullshit. He was the kidnapper, was he? That was definitely Madeleine McCann he was carrying, was it? There's no debate about that, then? This bloke who looks like a swarthy Dave Hill out of Slade is definitely our man then, is he? Really? Who says that - the police? Anyone who's actually looked at the evidence...? (I know, I know, Metodo 3 are going to pop their heads round the corner in a minute.)

Granny Gail Cooper, 50, was staying just 600 YARDS from the McCann family's Portuguese holiday flat when she had THREE separate chilling encounters with the moustachioed mystery man.

'Moustachioed mystery man'. Ha ha! Lovely alliteration. I can't fault the subs for having a bit of fun with this load of old dogshit of a story.

The man is 38 to 45, with sallow skin, lank dark hair, distinctive droopy moustache, large teeth and speaks broken English. As the dramatic development raised the McCann family's hopes a source at the heart of the probe admitted: "This is a stunning breakthrough. We now have a manhunt. Where is this man now? We need to find him as soon as possible."

'A source at the heart of the probe'? Who's that then, a senior police officer? Er, no. Here come Metodo 3!!! You knew they were on their way, didn't you? Because every single new Maddie story comes up with some shit pulled out of Metodo 3's arse.

Over the last seven days Spanish private eyes Metodo 3 and the Find Madeleine campaign worked round the clock after the News of the World conducted a detailed review of the case. We studied all material in the public domain homing in on witness reports we felt had been overlooked.

Ah it was the News of the World wot dun it. They gave some hacks the job of looking at some evidence as opposed to writing up some shit from some blonde slag who gave a footballer a blowy in some club toilets that no sentient being gives a flying fuck about. Well that's something, I guess. What did these journalists come up with that the police couldn't do?

When we spoke to Mrs Cooper at length it soon became clear vital clues were buried in her account of a "creepy man" loitering at the resort. Two of her sightings were also witnessed by her husband. And we can also reveal that a NEW witness, a 12-year-old girl, has come forward to back up her story.

"This man was very unpleasant and creepy. I'd put his age at 38 to 45. He was very scruffy and had a 70s-style black Mexican moustache. He wasn't Portuguese—I think he was North African, either Tunisian or Moroccan."

Ah, a "creepy man". Well then, that should be a piece of piss for the cops then. Just round up all creepy men, and we'll be safe. A sallow-looking bloke who's African and not European in appearance, so it must have been him!

Oh, and a 'new witness'. Fucking hell, they turn up every day in Praia de Luz, don't they? Must be mass memory loss over there.

Last night the McCanns' spokesman Clarence Mitchell said the new image had been passed to officers from the Leicestershire Constabulary, Portuguese police and Interpol. They hope the hunt will also be joined by forces in Spain and Morocco. Metodo 3 believe the kidnapper may have had accomplices in Praia da Luz who helped spirit Madeleine away to the Moroccan hills.

Yes, that's the narrative we're getting: Wog takes blonde child and spirits her off to Bongobongoland. As depressing as it is predictable. But not questioned in the slightest by these red-top vultures, who ignore whenever they feel like it the fact that the child's parents are still the strongest suspects in the case, preferring instead to take everything their private dicks and spokesman say at face value.

If you have any information about the man in the new picture contact the confidential phone line 0034 902 300 213 based in Spain now. A specially-trained team will take your call in any language.

I'm interested. Does that number get you through to the police in Portugal, do you think? Or someone else? If it's someone else, why?

Be Sociable, Share!

• 

Related posts:

1. How the Mail lies in the face of the facts
2. Trying to stay calm in the face of it
3. Cough in my face Pedro
4. Andy Murray’s ‘Grace Jones face’