This little gem caught my eye this evening. I tend to look at most immigration stories nowadays, as it's where you're most likely to find the largest amount of utter bullshit in the national press, with complete lies and drivel being parroted unquestioningly even by the 'liberal hotbed' of the BBC.
I don't want to turn this into a criticism of the journalism involved, but... oh actually I do. So let's have a look at it then. It begins...
About 5,000 illegal immigrants were mistakenly cleared to work as security staff, the Home Office has said.
Oh they were, were they. When would that be? Last year? In the past 500 years? Yesterday at tea-time?
The Metropolitan Police confirmed that some of those who were not properly vetted by the Security Industry Authority had been working for them.
What's this Security Industry Authority then? Are you going to tell us or shall we just guess? And were these 'some' working for the Met or the SIA?
Ministers ordered fresh checks on 40,000 people after it emerged the SIA was not checking applicants could work in the UK before granting licences.
Who are these 40,000 then? Illegal immigrants or just everyone? Since when? When did this happen? Actually, could you just tell me what happened?
The Conservatives described the Home Office as "still not fit for purpose".
According to the Sunday Mirror, illegal immigrants were also working at airports and ports.
Ah here come the Tories. 'Something about immigration, who shall I ring?' Hmm, yes, they'll go wading in, all blunderbusses blazing, so long as it's about darkies. Might stir up a few racists to come out and vote for us, after all. Got to woo those floating voters... it's a tough choice between the Tories, UKIP and the BNP when it comes to immigration and race.
And illegal immigrants working at airports and ports. Right. Hang on a minute, is this news of some description? Don't illegal immigrants work everywhere? Are you trying to tell me that these are illegal immigrants working on critical elements of our border controls... or just some cheap hired labour we can flog the back off for minimum wage? Is this going anywhere or not?
The government review of 40,000 security staff given licences by the security regulatory body over the past three years is expected to be completed shortly, the Home Office said.
A spokeswoman for the department said about 5,000 illegal immigrants were estimated to have been identified by the review.
*Sound of brakes being put on*
What? Estimated? Don't you even know? Can't you count? What the fuck did the journalist - either the Mirror hack or the poor fool who had to crib this load of shit together for the Beeb - say when the spokeswoman came out with this gem? Did they question it at all?
Oh hang on a minute, here comes the Lib Dem leader in waiting.
Liberal Democrat home affairs spokesman Nick Clegg said: "Public confidence in the government's handling of immigration will take yet another hammering with this revelation.
"It is impossible to promote the merits of a fair and effective immigration system as long as the government mixes headline-grabbing populism with serial administrative incompetence."
Jesus wept. Is this what we've got to look forward to over the coming months? From the fucking Lib Dems? Is everyone so shit-scared of the right-wing press lying about immigration that they're just going to give up and target immigration as something to deal with? Where's this proof of the government dealing badly with immigration? Where is it? A few illegals working in badly-paid jobs isn't proof; that's the labour market. And does a Lib Dem - your party has got the word liberal in the title, there's a fucking clue matey - really think it's a good thing that there's poor public confidence over immigration? Where's this come from? Genuine mistakes - or the daily lies, distortions and disgraceful bollocks journalism in the Sun, Mail and Express?
By the way, we never do actually find out what the SIA is in the story. The Beeb must think we're all very clever to just know these things and not have them explained. Either that or no-one proofed the work from the work ex boy. Oh I hope it came from a workie anyway; if this was a staffer they should be ritually disembowelled and pickled in lemon juice as a warning to others. What a total fucking crock of shit.